What to drive? What to drive?

Driving in San Francisco can be incredibly hectic, but I believe that I have just solved the majority of my problems by choosing a new vehicle-

Somehow, I imagine that people texting while driving or napping at stoplights will become a thing of the past.  Not to mention that no one, I repeat, no one will think about tailgating me again (how do you like your BMW, medium-rare or well-done?).  Naturally, we're talking Gallons Per Mile instead of Miles Per Gallon, but you can't buy the kind of happiness that comes with commuting with one of these.

Now skating at left forward for the Avs*...Michael Connelly?

Though I root for them, I really don't follow the San Jose Sharks. It's all one big exercise in frustration as every year they get to the playoffs and if they don't make an early exit, they won't make it past the Conference Finals and that's all, folks. So when I checked the Chronicle this morning to see what blockbuster deal that they hopefully pulled just before the trading deadline, all I could muster was a shrug as there were no recognizable names involved.


No, wait, I sit corrected. There was one name that was all too familiar to me, the Chron said, "San Jose also acquired Anaheim's 2013 seventh-round pick, previously held by the Avalanche, and sent minor leaguers Mike Connelly and Michael Sgarbossa to Colorado in the deal that came just before the NHL trade deadline."

Seriously? I mean, the guy can write like nobody else, but I would have to say that the only fifty-six year-old man that could play hockey at that age was Gordie Howe, and that was not at an NHL-level. So, we really got the better of that deal. Then again, long road trips would never be boring as he would certainly be the best raconteur in NHL history.

Of course you know that I'm kidding right? There's no way that the player and the writer are not the same...and if you don't? Well, do I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime for you! I'll be opening my chain of steakhouses in India, so all you have to do is email me your bank account information, and watch as the millions roll in.

BTW, the San Francisco Chronicle was kind of lazy with their fact-checking, as the player's name is Michael Connolly (NHL.com would know, right?).

*The Avs are the Colorado Avalanche.