Wednesday, October 1, 2008

My Name Is Cormac Brown And I Approve Of This Message

I do not suffer fools gladly.
-Oscar Wilde


Why should we suffer fools, angrily, bitterly or any emotional capacity? Seriously.

Yet every day, there they are and I have only the vaguest notion as to how they got there. Some seek direction; others seek guidance and most seem to be seeking a surrogate parent. I have a twelve year-old son that I helped give birth to and to the noxious moron that would attach his or herself to me like a flea or a leach? I am not your parent and you certainly are not my child.

I know this sounds cynical when I say I've grown weary of dealing with morons who not only cannot act their age, but want to include me in, or want me to witness their foolery. Go act stupid in the corner and do it quietly, please, or it's no dessert for you. No, that face won't work with me. Go to the corner, now.

To those that created the ubiquitous product (with the worst TV ad ever) that we are to apply to our forehead? Why didn't you create "Fool Off, apply directly to the fool?" Maybe it could be a stun gun or a more compact Louisville Slugger, but I believe that a headache cure would be unnecessary if we could get rid of fools, first.

To Mr. T? No, don't "pity the fool," smite the fool. Wake the fool out of his foolish stupor and slap some common sense into him. The rest of us are just as bad, because too many fools are escaping Darwinism and this is only because we enable them to. We need to put a stop to that as well.

My name is Cormac Brown...I will no longer suffer fools in any capacity and I approve of this message.

13 comments:

Quin Browne said...

i love you.

hope the missus is okay with that.

Cormac Brown said...

Quin,

: # )

(blushing)

Beth said...

Do you still love foolish moi? I can throw some commas your way to sweeten the pot.

Katie Schwartz said...

I love you, too, CB! My favorite is "Fool Off". Not only is that a scathingly brilliant idea, it makes so much sense. Why not? And why should we suffer fools gladly?!?! F--K that! No way. Enough is enough.

Great post, toots.

John Donald Carlucci said...

I love you and I don't care if the missus is okay with that.






You know I mean that in a manly way right. Not gay. Big and manly. wait, that didn't sound right either.

JDC

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Not suffer fools?

Time to leave the country.

Cormac Brown said...

Beth,

Being a fool for love or REM doesn't count and yes, I still love you.

Katie-lah,

I loves ya too! I'm glad you like the idea, I'm putting you in charge of research and development, since your apartment building has ten times the fools that mine does. Work on the taser prototype first ; )

Johnny Dollars,

As long as you respect in the morning, that is all I care about.

Mxy,

That's what The Missus says if they fix this selection, I mean, election too.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Whoa, Nelly.

Who in holy hell pressed your cranky button?

(I kinda like it...)

Cormac Brown said...

Baroness,

That button was triggered a-loooongg time ago, but it just found its voice yesterday.

Gifted Typist said...

Um, am I still allowed to lurk and comment here?

Cormac Brown said...

Gifted,

Absolutely and please read the post again. I was referring to those who would have everyone else be their parents, as opposed to those who raise their own children and consciously try to point them in the right direction.

Bubs said...

Brilliant. I wish I'd seen this a couple of days earlier. I have been beset recently by the drunk, the parasitic and the learnedly helpless.

You are now my spokesman, my advocate. I appreciate it.

Cormac Brown said...

Bubs,

I am happy to be a voice for your profession, because you guys are professional fool-wranglers and I am among those who truly appreciate your efforts.