Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas, bah, bug and hum

I'm not in a Christmas-y mood, yet that shouldn't keep you from having a Merry Christmas! Or as we say on one side of my family, "Mele Kalika Maka!"

Or as they say in other countries, Buon Natale! Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noël! Maligayang Pasko! Geseënde Kersfees! God Jul!

And as long as I am rehashing existing bits from my old blog, you'll get me singing the holiday standards again...

Oh Christmas Pee
Oh Christmas Pee
The bums leave you in front of my garage

You get...

Hipsters roasting over an open fire
Pit bulls nipping at your nose

And also...

He knows when you are sleeping
But mostly when you're sleeping
Because he's stalking you

So, if you order now, you will get a bonus track by MC Santa Clauz...



Silent night, holy shite
I got bombed, I got tight
Round yon brandy, we got piled
The egg nog was weak and needed a taste of something wild
Sleep in stomach un-eaassse
Sleep until the bedspins, cease

That's all folks, and Merry Christmas!

18 comments:

David Barber said...

Wishing you and your family a fantastic Christmas and all the very best for 2010.

"Mele Kalika Maka!"

(Reminds me of "Christmas Vacation" - one of my favourite films of all times and I've watched it today!)

David.

David Cranmer said...

Thanks for the chuckle. And Merry Christmas!

Paul D. Brazill said...

Have a good time, my hero. i think it's a crap time of the year for loads of people but let's igore the bollox and have fun. yes, i have drunk 3 bottles of wine. Cormac is the best! x

Some Guy said...

God Jul! (Swedish)

Have a great one, CB!

Dale said...

Have a great holiday no matter your mood Mr. Brown.

Paul D. Brazill said...

oh, BTw I couldn't perform the Splotchy virus, sorry. Promised too many people too much. Giving up writing to watch Manimal every day for the rest of my life.

SkylersDad said...

Merry Christmas my friend!

John Donald Carlucci said...

I hope your heart grows three size bigger today (and not from butter).

Cheers Mr. C, the family, and any other of youse bastaiges today.

JDC

Cormac Brown said...

David,

Same to you and yours.

David,

Your welcome, and thanks for the BTAP card!

Paulie Decibels,

Right back at you, and cheers!

Chris,

Thanks, and you taught me that before, I have to put that up there.

DALE!

A true Christmas miracle! You, too!

Paulie,

No problem, I understood that while ago, with Pulp Metal and your writing going on. I hope the next time that Splotchy does one that you will have some free time.

Sky Dad,

Same you, my good friend!

Publisher and Filmmaker JDC,

Thank you, and same to you and the wonderful Jinn!

Beach Bum said...

Best wishes for you and your family to have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hew Year. I truly hope this new year is an improvement from the last, we could all use a break.

David Barber said...

Cormac, don't want to seem a "dick" but can't find any starter sentences on your blog. Only thing under flash fiction is a start of a story called 'Dispatched'.

Any advice......

Cheers bud.

P.S. Don't know what what Oscar Wilde said about relatives/in-laws, but did it involve an 'Uzi'..?

Cormac Brown said...

Beach,

Thank you much, and I hope your little ones didn't get too hyped today.

David,

This is my third try at the comment and I accidentally destroyed the original quote. John Lyly said it first, and then Oscar Wilde modified it. "Guests and fish in three days, are stale."

Here non-sequentially, are the original starter sentences as created by the Great JJ.

"In the purple and gray morning...".

"They should make people take a test..."

"I saw her/him through the smoke…"

"A Thong
A Gong
A Pair of Tongs
Someone named Wong
A Bong"


"Arms aching"

"Her arms shackled to the stone floor and her wings constricted by leather bindings..."

"Sacrifice."

"...but the creep beat me to it.".

"And then by God, I killed the son of a bitch.".

"Vampires on a train."

"Dirt, hurt, Curt, flirt, and an orange.".

"I had never seen one before except on television…"

"1) A Girl
2)A Whirl
3)A Curl
4)Something that unfurls
5)A Hurl."


"1)Rope
2)Dope
3)Grope
4)Hope
5)Slope."


JJ gave you the choice of four sentences with:
"It all started with a ham sandwich...
How did my underwear wind up...
That can't be my mother...
He woke up, wondering where his..."


"A cry went up."

“he said little as they paddled their way along the sunken streets...”

David Barber said...

Cheers pal. They're going to Edinburgh tomorrow for 3 day or so, so a bit of piece. They can go stale at their friend's ad then come back here to go stale again. Ha, Ha.

Cormac Brown said...

David,

Well, absence does make the heart grow fonder, so I know that you will miss them so.
; )

My mother and father in-law had stayed with us for a short time, when The Teen was a newborn, but once he was big enough for his own room, they would stay at a motor inn. I love my in-laws, but my point is, that it helps that they live all the way across the country, and that we live in a shoe box of an apartment.

Randal Graves said...

Jul? Any relation to Zuul? That sucker knows how to throw a Lemmymas party.

Cormac Brown said...

Randal,

Why did what you said, put the song Motorhead song "Killed By Death," in my head?

Übermilf said...

Mele Kalika Maka? You're a dirty Kenyan, too?

I briefly felt Christmas spirit but it decayed and left me with nothing but depleted seratonin levels and a bunch of crap to put away.

Cormac Brown said...

Über,

I'm not sure if you have commented here before or not, but I'll welcome you again, as I do all newcomers. When The Teen stopped believing in Santa, that was the end of my Christmas Renaissance.

The whole holiday has devolved into rampant consumerism of the worst kind.