Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Last Links Of The Year

I'm waaayy behind in terms of blogging, and I'm not going to have my Top Ten Books of 2009 up before the end of the year. Still, let me get in the last links of 2009 and go from there...

Editor and Author, Katherine Tomlinson has a new story up at A Twist of Noir, called "Fair-weather Friend," that will change the way that you behave at a bank.

Sandra Seamans was nice enough to include one of my yarns in her Top Ten Short Stories of 2009. Not only that, she turned me on to Flash Fire 500, the site that it was on in the first place. Also on her list is one of my favorite stories from Paul D Brazill, "The Tut," which gives Edgar Allan a run for his money.

Turn about is fair play, so if you haven't checked Sandra's work out yet, let me recommend Sandra's "Midnight Showdown," which was also featured on Beat To A Pulp. It's one of the best westerns that I've read, and it will definitely surprise you.

To finish things off with an awesome dessert, Sandra defends, sci-fi, genre writing and fiction, in general.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas, bah, bug and hum

I'm not in a Christmas-y mood, yet that shouldn't keep you from having a Merry Christmas! Or as we say on one side of my family, "Mele Kalika Maka!"

Or as they say in other countries, Buon Natale! Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noël! Maligayang Pasko! Geseënde Kersfees! God Jul!

And as long as I am rehashing existing bits from my old blog, you'll get me singing the holiday standards again...

Oh Christmas Pee
Oh Christmas Pee
The bums leave you in front of my garage

You get...

Hipsters roasting over an open fire
Pit bulls nipping at your nose

And also...

He knows when you are sleeping
But mostly when you're sleeping
Because he's stalking you

So, if you order now, you will get a bonus track by MC Santa Clauz...

Silent night, holy shite
I got bombed, I got tight
Round yon brandy, we got piled
The egg nog was weak and needed a taste of something wild
Sleep in stomach un-eaassse
Sleep until the bedspins, cease

That's all folks, and Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 21, 2009

All you need to know about my taste in women

Yet another post where I tell you how fried I am. Damn, and writers do this for a living, each and every day. Day in and day out, fatigue be damned.

I'm working on something that better be ready for tomorrow morning, but in the meantime?

From Dan Piraro's Bizarro comic, this all you need to know about my taste in women.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Writing Quotes, Burned-out Holiday Edition

Yeah, my sentiments exactly. While I'm burned out after a particularly taxing writing project, that just might be one of the best things that I've ever written, I need to find new inspiration. And hey, most importantly, so do you!

"My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way."

-Ernest Hemingway

From The Creative Screenwriting Magazine's Weekly Newsletter

Last, but not least, a good friend of mine reminds us of why we even bother...

We do what we have to do so that we may do what we want to do.

-John Donald Carlucci

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Katherine Tomlinson owns The Internet

Katherine Tomlinson is all over the Internet.

At A Twist of Noir, she gets you ready for the holidays, with a Pulp Christmas.

For all my people from The Twelve Tribes, she has a Do-It-Yourself Chanukah at Bier Magazine. Of course, we goyim can enjoy these good noshes, too.

If the holidays aren't your thing, I'll bet you chocolate is. Katherine has a chocolate truffle recipe, and an even easier fool-proof recipe for idiots like me, who tend to mangle desert.

She does this while editing Astonishing Adventures Magazine, writing her own fiction and covering movie scripts. That, is why I call her the "Super Editor."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Keith Rawson Interviews Joseph Wambaugh!

I've been doing a fairly good impression of The White Rabbitt, as of late. So, let me do this bit of catching up right now, as this is at least five days late.

Keith Rawson has been doing some pretty tremendous interviews lately with some major authors, including the likes of Michael Connelly and Ken Bruen. His latest one is no exception, Joesph Wambaugh.

I must confess that I haven't read a lot of Wambaugh and the only book of his that I still own is "Hollywood Station."

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate who he is and what he's done. In terms of the modern police procedural, he is the biggest influence on my influences. Just ask Robert Crais, Michael Connelly, and James Ellroy, as to who inspired them. You can also Michael Mann, David Simon, Stephen J. Cannell and David Chase, because virtually every cop show drew from the Wambaugh well as a source of inspiration.

Every crime novel, tv show and graphic novel for the past thirty five year or so, has a little of Joesph's touch in it. So Ladies and Gentlemen, please pop over to BSC Review and check out Keith's interview.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Splotchy Story Virus v5

When is getting infected a good thing, Martha Stewart?

When it's a Splotchy Story Virus! But you ask, Center of Disease Control, just how does this work? I'll let Splotchy explain-

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

There always has to be a start of a story, so here it is.


The mall was crowded. There were happy people, angry people, people in a hurry, even a few people sleeping on benches. To the security guard, they were a blur of coats, hats and scarves. He was just beginning his second eight hour shift. He yawned, leaning against a pillar in the food court, the aftertaste of terrible mall cookies lingering on his tongue. His eyes abruptly snapped open with the loud sound of glass shattering behind him.


The glass landed on the main concourse floor and the strung Christmas lights around the mall made the floor glitter like a field of glittering gems. Out of Hot Topic came a huge tasseled-shod foot and the glass cracked like ice under the foot's immense weight. Above that antiquated shoe was a massive muscular leg, clad in green tights.

The elder Mrs. Hajba knows what this creature is and she screams out its name, yet no one understands her. Mostly because everyone else is too busy screaming, but also because the only person would understand, her daughter Anastasia, is across the mall at T.G. McFunster's...trying to find husband number four, lest her, and her mother be deported.

This being that apparently is unknown to America, stands some sixteen feet tall in bright green and red clothing that would be more suitable to the Renaissance. The brute is muscular and misshapen, with veins that bulge and throb at a preternaturally speed. Its skin is bright white, and its teeth silver and black like tinsel. The eyes of the beast have no pupils or irises to speak of. They could best be described as giant red, opaque Christmas ball ornaments.

Mrs. Hajba summons every brain cell that American TV soaps haven't manged to destroy yet and she yells at the security guard, "It's Ghost of Kreestmass Disappoint-ted!"


That's it for me, I pass the baton on to:





And last, but not least, Paulie Decibels.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pulp Metal Magazine Is Here!

Pulp Metal Magazine is here!

Jason Michel wants to bring modern art, movie essays, comics, fiction and oh, a regular column from Paul D. Brazill (called "I did say that, didn't I?") to you.

Go check Pulp Metal out!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Asimov and Wharton for Writing Quote Time

"A classic is classic not because it conforms to certain structural rules, or fits certain definitions (of which its author had quite probably never heard). It is classic because of a certain eternal and irrepressible freshness."
- Edith Wharton

"You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you're working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success...but only if you persist."
- Isaac Asimov

From The Creative Screenwriting Weekly Newsletter

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"The Ballad of Paulie Decibels"

I've never been north of Frankfurt, Germany, but today? I get to go to Poland...at least via the Internet. Paul D. Brazill has been having other bloggers drop by and do some guest spots. We're talking authors and bloggers from America, Australia, Europe and the U.K. Undoubtedly he'll have someone from Asia and Africa before it's over, that will pay homage to once and future crime writing King of England.

Still, until then? Here is yours truly, with "The Ballad of Paulie Decibels."