Aldo was nice enough to have chosen, recorded and posted my story "Bitch" from Powder Burh Flash, up at Crimewav. What does it sound like? I have no idea, I'm stuck with a pterodactyl in a box, or "dial-up" to those of you who have never seen an episode of "The Flintstones."
Please, up on over, click, listen, and then pretend that I am deaf...by giving me a report. Ya hear?
P.S. Princess Ladybug says, "in the upper right hand corner is a box that says "CrimePlayer - Click to Open." When you click on it a pop-up window comes up. Click on episode 26."
Monday, February 9, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
"Peanut Oil"
"Peanut Oil" originally appeared in the original Powder Burn Flash, this version has revised in error in the ninth paragraph and this was nobody's fault but mine, Robert Plant.
It’s hot. Almost “ Death Valley kills the pioneers” hot. Which is no easy feat, considering that this is October in usually foggy San Francisco. But the Northern Californian version of Chandler ’s Santa Ana winds, the Diablo, is seeing to that, making everything as arid as the Sahara.
Kelly Boles has it in his head to take a week off…unpaid. Fuck the mounting pile of bills on the stand by the door; he feels a novel running through his head like a dam about to burst. Kelly though he would he would try “kickwriting” like Kerouac did with “On The Road,” minus the rolls of tracing paper taped together and the Benzedrine.
Nothing doing.
He over-caffeinated himself and as a result, every single thing is a distraction: the wailing cries of his computer’s overworked fan, his dying piece-of-shit refrigerator, his growling stomach, and the ambient noise of his neighbors that is bouncing off the heat and into his open windows.
The couple next door is particularly vexing, as they argue about how to prepare a dish.
“It’s not Szechwan beef if you cook it vegetable oil! You have to use peanut oil!”
“Then why don’t you go buy some fucking peanut oil, already?”
“I will!...uh, can you lend me some money?”
The neighbor's girlfriend cannot believe that she tolerates this tool. She’s beautiful and she can cook? That idiot should be kissing the very ground that she walks on. Women like that might become extinct within his lifetime.
Kelly’s stomach is grumbling, so he drinks a glass of water to shut it up. He looks across the street and sees “Szechwan Beef” dash into the corner store. Kelly thinks about the wonderful aromas from next door that are to come and his stomach grumbles again. He gulps down another glass of water.
As he puts the glass in the sink, he notices a balding man in a trench coat dashing into the store. Who the hell wears a trench coat in this kind of weather? A flasher? The guy has to be a flasher, because porn theaters don’t exist anymore.
“Open the register now!”
“Jesus, that guy had a shotgun under that trench coat” whispers Kelly. The store’s owner reaches under the counter and oh shit, watch out Szechwan Beef! He didn’t see or hear “Trench Coat” and he panics, dropping the bottle of peanut oil and startling everyone.
The store’s owner brings his pistol up and “Trench Coat” pulls the trigger. Good God, the roar is deafening as the heat ricochets the sound all over the neighborhood. The store’s windows are peppered with blood, gore and holes. The store’s owner is nowhere to be seen. Trench Coat turns toward Szechwan Beef, but he already fled during the first shot.
Trench Coat pumps a shell into the chamber and takes a step. He slips, he disappears, a foot comes up, and there’s a muffled boom.
Kelly looks left and right, but there seems to be nobody in the store. He gets his phone and dials 911. He grabs a chair and stands up. Kelly can barely see Trench Coat’s feet twitching in the window and he sees what he guesses are teeth or bits of bone, right by the front door. It’s hard to tell from this distance.
As the 911 operator puts him on hold before he can say anything, Kelly shakes his head. Not because of the operator, but because this would’ve made a great story. Unfortunately, Kelly feels that just like stickups, crime fiction doesn’t pay enough.
It’s hot. Almost “ Death Valley kills the pioneers” hot. Which is no easy feat, considering that this is October in usually foggy San Francisco. But the Northern Californian version of Chandler ’s Santa Ana winds, the Diablo, is seeing to that, making everything as arid as the Sahara.
Kelly Boles has it in his head to take a week off…unpaid. Fuck the mounting pile of bills on the stand by the door; he feels a novel running through his head like a dam about to burst. Kelly though he would he would try “kickwriting” like Kerouac did with “On The Road,” minus the rolls of tracing paper taped together and the Benzedrine.
Nothing doing.
He over-caffeinated himself and as a result, every single thing is a distraction: the wailing cries of his computer’s overworked fan, his dying piece-of-shit refrigerator, his growling stomach, and the ambient noise of his neighbors that is bouncing off the heat and into his open windows.
The couple next door is particularly vexing, as they argue about how to prepare a dish.
“It’s not Szechwan beef if you cook it vegetable oil! You have to use peanut oil!”
“Then why don’t you go buy some fucking peanut oil, already?”
“I will!...uh, can you lend me some money?”
The neighbor's girlfriend cannot believe that she tolerates this tool. She’s beautiful and she can cook? That idiot should be kissing the very ground that she walks on. Women like that might become extinct within his lifetime.
Kelly’s stomach is grumbling, so he drinks a glass of water to shut it up. He looks across the street and sees “Szechwan Beef” dash into the corner store. Kelly thinks about the wonderful aromas from next door that are to come and his stomach grumbles again. He gulps down another glass of water.
As he puts the glass in the sink, he notices a balding man in a trench coat dashing into the store. Who the hell wears a trench coat in this kind of weather? A flasher? The guy has to be a flasher, because porn theaters don’t exist anymore.
“Open the register now!”
“Jesus, that guy had a shotgun under that trench coat” whispers Kelly. The store’s owner reaches under the counter and oh shit, watch out Szechwan Beef! He didn’t see or hear “Trench Coat” and he panics, dropping the bottle of peanut oil and startling everyone.
The store’s owner brings his pistol up and “Trench Coat” pulls the trigger. Good God, the roar is deafening as the heat ricochets the sound all over the neighborhood. The store’s windows are peppered with blood, gore and holes. The store’s owner is nowhere to be seen. Trench Coat turns toward Szechwan Beef, but he already fled during the first shot.
Trench Coat pumps a shell into the chamber and takes a step. He slips, he disappears, a foot comes up, and there’s a muffled boom.
Kelly looks left and right, but there seems to be nobody in the store. He gets his phone and dials 911. He grabs a chair and stands up. Kelly can barely see Trench Coat’s feet twitching in the window and he sees what he guesses are teeth or bits of bone, right by the front door. It’s hard to tell from this distance.
As the 911 operator puts him on hold before he can say anything, Kelly shakes his head. Not because of the operator, but because this would’ve made a great story. Unfortunately, Kelly feels that just like stickups, crime fiction doesn’t pay enough.
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Return of Sam Spade
You're saying to yourself, "did I read that post title right?" Yes you did, though we're actually talking about a prequel to "The Maltese Falcon," and this one is written by Joe Gores (with no undiscovered notes or any "new" contribution from Hammett, other than his original story).
This novel is called "Spade & Archer" and it is set in 1921, 1925, and 1928. We Sam turn into the hardened hard boiled detective that he became and we find out where he barely shed a tear when Miles Archer took that final tumble down Burritt Alley (yes, "Burritt," not "Burrito").
I am over the moon, because I believe if anyone on Earth can write a satisfactory story about Sam Spade using Hammett's style, Joe Gores can. Of course I'm using his excellent book "Cases" as a sample of what he is capable of, as well as Wim Wenders' film "Hammett," where Joe Gores tied together a fictional Dashiell Hammett on a case that would inspire Sam (Hammett) to write all of his stories.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
"Vibrant"
How do you feel today?
Are you feeling a little down?
Do you feel lethargic?
Do you feel detached?
Do you need a little "pick me up?"
The protagonist in my story at Powder Burn Flash feels "Vibrant."
You should try "Vibrant," too!
Are you feeling a little down?
Do you feel lethargic?
Do you feel detached?
Do you need a little "pick me up?"
The protagonist in my story at Powder Burn Flash feels "Vibrant."
You should try "Vibrant," too!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Is Today April 1st?
Er...okay. From the New York Times Papercuts Blog-
No, seriously, someone jump out and yell "April Fool's!"
Monday, February 2, 2009
Now, That Is An Avatar...
...or not. I think it is.
At any rate, this is my Crimespace avatar and yes, it is a real working camera.
P.S. I was lead astray by the original link, it is a Vietnam-era camera and not a WWII-era camera.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Second Issue Of Crooked Magazine Has Arrived!
The second issue of Crooked Magazine is here!
We're talking the best Bo Flexler story ever, from Clair Dickson. Then there's "Thirteen Questions" with Anthony Bourdain's long lost brother and author, Sean Chercover-
Eric Beetner has wonderful story on the logistical problems that come after a hit, an area so seldom explored and that is more or less glossed over in crime fiction. Jake Hinson writes a truly haunting tale in which all is not it apparently seems.
Patti Abbott tells a tale of a man that has turn his life around from two major tragedies and find redemption for a lost love one. An aside, if an Upper Peninsula inhabitant is a "Yooper," what is a Lower Peninsula resident, a "Looper?"
Keith Rawson relates a piece of fiction that depicts a detective a little closer to real life, than the trench coat stereotype you typically read about. Then the whole tale takes a turn that even if you have read thousands of detective stories? You never saw this one coming.
Did you ever have one of those friends that no matter what you did, you just couldn't help them straighten up and fly right? Michael S. Chong spins a yarn about the inertia involved when you get in the gravitational pull of those that are falling and drag everything else with them. The protagonist unfortunately, does a pretty fair job of plummeting all by himself.
Barry Baldwin finishes up the issue with cop's tale. Take a gander at Issue #2 of Crooked Magazine.
We're talking the best Bo Flexler story ever, from Clair Dickson. Then there's "Thirteen Questions" with Anthony Bourdain's long lost brother and author, Sean Chercover-
Eric Beetner has wonderful story on the logistical problems that come after a hit, an area so seldom explored and that is more or less glossed over in crime fiction. Jake Hinson writes a truly haunting tale in which all is not it apparently seems.
Patti Abbott tells a tale of a man that has turn his life around from two major tragedies and find redemption for a lost love one. An aside, if an Upper Peninsula inhabitant is a "Yooper," what is a Lower Peninsula resident, a "Looper?"
Keith Rawson relates a piece of fiction that depicts a detective a little closer to real life, than the trench coat stereotype you typically read about. Then the whole tale takes a turn that even if you have read thousands of detective stories? You never saw this one coming.
Did you ever have one of those friends that no matter what you did, you just couldn't help them straighten up and fly right? Michael S. Chong spins a yarn about the inertia involved when you get in the gravitational pull of those that are falling and drag everything else with them. The protagonist unfortunately, does a pretty fair job of plummeting all by himself.
Barry Baldwin finishes up the issue with cop's tale. Take a gander at Issue #2 of Crooked Magazine.
Paulie Decibels Has A Story Up At Powder Burn Flash
Paulie Decibels has an excellent story up at Powder Burn Flash about "Sleeping It Off." Na zdrowie and cheers, Paulie!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Coming Attractions: "A Red Lipstick"
Lara calmly turned to the mirror and said as she dabbed her lip “I’m hungry and you’re gonna get us kicked out of here before we get a chance to eat…if they don’t call the cops first.” The mention of the police dimmed the wattage of Guy’s sneer for less than a second and only someone who knew him would’ve even noticed.
“I ain’t worried about the heat; I got them in my pocket like my blade. You should worry about what’s gonna happened to your five dollar backside if you don’t get out of this bathroom in the next minute. I ain’t waiting all day to order and if you’re not ready by the time the waitress puts my coffee on the table? Well, let’s just say you’re looking tired. Maybe you need a little vacation like Millie got. Might do you a bit of good to get some rest. A little beauty sleep.” Then he laughed like a poor Cajun’s version of The Shadow.
Guy turned on his heels and walked out, his purple zoot suit with red pinstripes a garish blur. Lara smiled even though it caused her almost as much pain as one of Guy’s punches. Everything had to fall into place like one of those complicated Rube Goldberg contraptions. The stakes were high. She had everything to lose and her life to win. Her hand shook as she raised her lipstick, then it became amazingly steady as she started writing.
-From the story "A Red Lipstick," in Astonishing Adventures Magazine Issue #5
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Probably The Closest This Blog Will Ever Come To Mentioning Id*l
Becky is in Starpulse again, and she has an article about the songs that American Id*l contests should avoid. It's a good article and this is coming from someone who avoids American Id*l altogether, but watches enough of E! News to ridicule the contestants.
Of course this gives her an excuse to write about Michael Johns, but we won't bring that up, will we?
Of course this gives her an excuse to write about Michael Johns, but we won't bring that up, will we?
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Princess Requests Your Help For MDA
Princess Ladybug asks for a few shining knights and ladies to answer her call for help-
On Saturday, January 31st, the MDA office where I work will be at Grapevine Mills Mall before dawn to host the 2009 MDA DFW Stride & Ride.
My goal is to send at least one kid to camp. Thanks to MDA that only costs $800. That's amazing for one week at a barrier-free camp. Kids who spend the other 51 weeks of the year in a wheelchair or leg braces get a chance to swim, canoe, ride horses, and even ride on a zip line. Please make a donation and help me reach my goal!
Remember that any size donation is appreciated. So give what you can and what your heart leads you to give. $5, $10, or whatever you can. And then feel proud of the fact that together we're providing help and hope to kids and adults served by MDA in our community. Thanks for making a difference!
https://www.joinmda.org/dfwstride2009/cpldybg
Also, please pass this on to anyone and everyone. I need all the help I can get. Thanks!
On Saturday, January 31st, the MDA office where I work will be at Grapevine Mills Mall before dawn to host the 2009 MDA DFW Stride & Ride.
My goal is to send at least one kid to camp. Thanks to MDA that only costs $800. That's amazing for one week at a barrier-free camp. Kids who spend the other 51 weeks of the year in a wheelchair or leg braces get a chance to swim, canoe, ride horses, and even ride on a zip line. Please make a donation and help me reach my goal!
Remember that any size donation is appreciated. So give what you can and what your heart leads you to give. $5, $10, or whatever you can. And then feel proud of the fact that together we're providing help and hope to kids and adults served by MDA in our community. Thanks for making a difference!
https://www.joinmda.org/dfwstride2009/cpldybg
Also, please pass this on to anyone and everyone. I need all the help I can get. Thanks!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
"The Writing Is On The Wall" Is Up At A Twist Of Noir
A Twist of Noir has posted "The Writing Is On The Wall." For those who are squeamish about crime fiction? This is not your typical walk on the wild side, seriously. Would I lie to you? Ah, no, I write crime fiction, not non-fiction.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Return Of The Bad Lieutenant's Wife
Thanks to Flannery, I give you, the return of The Bad Lieutenant's Wife.
Half of you that come to this blog will say, "what is that? Did I read that right?"
Yes, you did. It was and is, "an online forum in which you the reader, combine as many as four disparate movie titles into one." Read on to see where the title came from-
A friend of mine and I had a conversation years ago, where we came up with a word-slash-title game. You combine two disparate movie titles into one, as if it was a natural thing all along. Thus, "The Bad Lieutenant's Wife" was born.
So, using the aforementioned as an example:"The Bad Lieutenant" and "The French Lieutenant's Woman," become "The Bad Lieutenant's Wife."
Capisce?
"Three Men And A Little Lady" + "The Lady In The Lake" = "Three Men And The Lady In The Lake."
This was before Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I think, but I'm not entirely sure. So using a movie with Kevin Bacon, "The River Wild" and couple that with "A River Runs Through It." You get the "The River Runs Wild Through It."
Any movie with "Friday" in the title is too easy. "The Friday The 13th After Next," right?
You can mix eras up, by taking something older and combining it with something a little more recent. Thus, "Bad Santa At Black Rock." You can use a maximum of four titles, because things tend to be confusing after that.
If you can, before posting your submission, please type in keywords of your titles, click "Search Blog" to make sure that your combination is not redundant.
Surely, you the reader can do better, "Jude Law, The Obscure"...well, that's not really a movie title compilation, but you get the idea.
Give it a try, if you believe that you can compete with the awesomeness of Secret Agent Flan.
Half of you that come to this blog will say, "what is that? Did I read that right?"
Yes, you did. It was and is, "an online forum in which you the reader, combine as many as four disparate movie titles into one." Read on to see where the title came from-
A friend of mine and I had a conversation years ago, where we came up with a word-slash-title game. You combine two disparate movie titles into one, as if it was a natural thing all along. Thus, "The Bad Lieutenant's Wife" was born.
So, using the aforementioned as an example:"The Bad Lieutenant" and "The French Lieutenant's Woman," become "The Bad Lieutenant's Wife."
Capisce?
"Three Men And A Little Lady" + "The Lady In The Lake" = "Three Men And The Lady In The Lake."
This was before Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I think, but I'm not entirely sure. So using a movie with Kevin Bacon, "The River Wild" and couple that with "A River Runs Through It." You get the "The River Runs Wild Through It."
Any movie with "Friday" in the title is too easy. "The Friday The 13th After Next," right?
You can mix eras up, by taking something older and combining it with something a little more recent. Thus, "Bad Santa At Black Rock." You can use a maximum of four titles, because things tend to be confusing after that.
If you can, before posting your submission, please type in keywords of your titles, click "Search Blog" to make sure that your combination is not redundant.
Surely, you the reader can do better, "Jude Law, The Obscure"...well, that's not really a movie title compilation, but you get the idea.
Give it a try, if you believe that you can compete with the awesomeness of Secret Agent Flan.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
For Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson
"It's Jay Butterfat," the voice on the other end said. "Did I get you at a bad time?"
"Not at all," I said, recognizing the deviated septum of the veteran Broadway huckster. "I was just sitting by the phone studying its remarkable contours."
"Good. Lemme bring you up to speed. I'm in Boston with a scalding drama that looks to be the biggest thing to hit Broadway since Death of A Salesman. All it needs is some belevling---to smooth out a few rough edges. First time playwright. One of those sensitive myopics who hollers infanticide every time you ask for a line change. Finally had to have him committed, which is not easy to do legally when the person won't go along with it. Anyhow, the nitty gritty is that I'm this close to a Megaball hit if I can just get in a fresh mind to a little re-juxta."*
"Not at all," I said, recognizing the deviated septum of the veteran Broadway huckster. "I was just sitting by the phone studying its remarkable contours."
"Good. Lemme bring you up to speed. I'm in Boston with a scalding drama that looks to be the biggest thing to hit Broadway since Death of A Salesman. All it needs is some belevling---to smooth out a few rough edges. First time playwright. One of those sensitive myopics who hollers infanticide every time you ask for a line change. Finally had to have him committed, which is not easy to do legally when the person won't go along with it. Anyhow, the nitty gritty is that I'm this close to a Megaball hit if I can just get in a fresh mind to a little re-juxta."*
From A Little Face Work Never Hurt by Woody Allen
Zoetrope All-Story Fall 2008
*This is dedicated partly to Johnny Dollars, but mostly to Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson for working with me, not bringing in the re-write squad, and for not having me committed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Quin Brings The Six
Quin brings the Six Sentences about a slippery skirmish in Athens, Georgia. Take a gander.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Six Things Meme
Like a Berlin Wall made of cork, the details have really been escaping me this past week. Freida Bee tagged me and I thought the meme was going to be half-pictorial, like hers was, but it turns out that was just a clever introduction to it. I lined up goofy pictures and had half of a storyline written this morning, then I found out this was not to be the case.
Crud.
At any rate, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, right? This is how it goes-
The Rules:
A) Link to the sexy manshrew who tagged you.
Actually, it wasn't a "manshrew," but Freida, Queen of The Bees. I'd make a semi-innocuous comment about "honey," but I don't know her all that well and her husband would probably make the trip from Texas to kick my ass.
B) Post the regulations on your blog.
No rules except, keep it semi-civil.
C) Write six random things about yourself:
Okay? So...
1) I am extremely susceptible to music and that's not just with songs I love, but also the songs I like, and even the ones I hate. Every time the Apple iPod ad with "Around The Bend" by The Asteroids Galaxy comes on, it takes me a good twenty minutes to get it out of my head.
2) I am King of The Run-on Sentences, view the first sentence in number one.
3) I've never met a non-filled pasta that I haven't liked.
4) I can't say the same about people, there are too many people who are hollow inside.
5) I've been flaking lately, sorry. So since my hair is turning gray, does that make me a Sugar-frosted Flake?
6) I couldn't care less what most people think about me, but memes strike a chord with my compulsions. So while on some days I don't want to do them, I'm afraid I won't be ever tagged again and I relent. That's right, I'm a Meme Masochist.
So who am I tagging?
Aldo. I know he's busy, but he said he would post more this year and he hasn't ; )
The always entertaining Paulie Decibels.
Pamila Payne, whom you don't know yet, but you will.
Crud.
At any rate, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, right? This is how it goes-
The Rules:
A) Link to the sexy manshrew who tagged you.
Actually, it wasn't a "manshrew," but Freida, Queen of The Bees. I'd make a semi-innocuous comment about "honey," but I don't know her all that well and her husband would probably make the trip from Texas to kick my ass.
B) Post the regulations on your blog.
No rules except, keep it semi-civil.
C) Write six random things about yourself:
Okay? So...
1) I am extremely susceptible to music and that's not just with songs I love, but also the songs I like, and even the ones I hate. Every time the Apple iPod ad with "Around The Bend" by The Asteroids Galaxy comes on, it takes me a good twenty minutes to get it out of my head.
2) I am King of The Run-on Sentences, view the first sentence in number one.
3) I've never met a non-filled pasta that I haven't liked.
4) I can't say the same about people, there are too many people who are hollow inside.
5) I've been flaking lately, sorry. So since my hair is turning gray, does that make me a Sugar-frosted Flake?
6) I couldn't care less what most people think about me, but memes strike a chord with my compulsions. So while on some days I don't want to do them, I'm afraid I won't be ever tagged again and I relent. That's right, I'm a Meme Masochist.
So who am I tagging?
Aldo. I know he's busy, but he said he would post more this year and he hasn't ; )
The always entertaining Paulie Decibels.
Pamila Payne, whom you don't know yet, but you will.
Augggh! Writer's Tunnel Vision
All apologies, I posted a story and someone explained to me that it wasn't supposed to be posted until a later date...my fault, I didn't read the requirements. Sorry about that.
So it was already published and I changed the publishing date and time, which usually saves it for later, English Beat...yet, it didn't. The post will be back on February 10, 2009 and again, I apologize.
Clarification: I posted it without paying attention to the date that we were all to post. I wasn't trying to upstage anyone, though that's what it would've amounted to. If you popped in here this morning, you could've read it and that wasn't supposed to be the case.
When you set the a publishing date and time on Blogger, it usually adheres to that. I reset the publishing date and unfortunately, it just reposted the story, instead of waiting for the new date.
To give you an idea as to just what is going on, I am a whole week in arrears on a story for one online magazine, hoping to get another done for another E-mag (though I'm not certain that either will be accepted) and I have a meme to do.
So it was already published and I changed the publishing date and time, which usually saves it for later, English Beat...yet, it didn't. The post will be back on February 10, 2009 and again, I apologize.
Clarification: I posted it without paying attention to the date that we were all to post. I wasn't trying to upstage anyone, though that's what it would've amounted to. If you popped in here this morning, you could've read it and that wasn't supposed to be the case.
When you set the a publishing date and time on Blogger, it usually adheres to that. I reset the publishing date and unfortunately, it just reposted the story, instead of waiting for the new date.
To give you an idea as to just what is going on, I am a whole week in arrears on a story for one online magazine, hoping to get another done for another E-mag (though I'm not certain that either will be accepted) and I have a meme to do.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Metaphors-ed
From Beckyland, comes
Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their most amusing similes and metaphors gleaned from high school essays. I’m not sure if this is really true or simply an urban myth, but here are some of the “winners” from 2007. But even if some under-employed writer wearing only a tattered robe wrote them in an unheated basement, they’re still funny.
My favorite was, "she grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef."
Check them out.
Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their most amusing similes and metaphors gleaned from high school essays. I’m not sure if this is really true or simply an urban myth, but here are some of the “winners” from 2007. But even if some under-employed writer wearing only a tattered robe wrote them in an unheated basement, they’re still funny.
My favorite was, "she grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef."
Check them out.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Paulie Decibels Debut on Powder Burn Flash.Com
My mate, Paulie Decibels has debuted on Powder Burn Flash with a little ditty about being "In The Dog House."
Top ho, Paulie, good stuff!
Top ho, Paulie, good stuff!
Best Of: "La Venezia Appassionata"
Nearly three years after writing this, I have just noticed right now that I misspelled "passion" in Italian. Mi dispiaci. I wasn't going to do another "Best Of," but this week's episode of "No Reservations" brought back a lot of memories.
If you haven't read this before, I guarantee that you won't know where this is going, and except for the ending when I was writing it, I didn't either. I give you "La Venezia Appassionata" (Passionate Venice) and the word "passion" has less to do with my love for the city, and more to do as a jab at the many soft core pron movies that played in theaters in Italy when I was there.
If you haven't read this before, I guarantee that you won't know where this is going, and except for the ending when I was writing it, I didn't either. I give you "La Venezia Appassionata" (Passionate Venice) and the word "passion" has less to do with my love for the city, and more to do as a jab at the many soft core pron movies that played in theaters in Italy when I was there.
I Don't Know My Clowns...
I don't know my clowns, but I do know eyes and I correctly guessed just who was under that clown makeup. You'll have to go over to Bubs's site to see what I'm talking about, I won't post clown pics here. Also while you are over there, check out his version of "Florida, or Germany," he does it best.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Check Out The 6 S, "Obsession" From The Princess!
Princess Ladybug has finally took the plunge and the result is a Six Sentence story called "Obsession." Take a look, you will be pleasantly surprised by her first effort (I love it, but I'm biased like that).
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Winner Of Caption Contest #1 Is...
Oh, this is going to be difficult. There weren't a lot of contestants, but that doesn't mean that there were no quality entries, quite to the contrary. So, one more time for those who aren't familiar. The idea was that someone had to write a caption for this picture...
...and the winner would get a mention of them or their blog, plus a large cup from my Cafepress shop. So I will list my favorites by the name of the author and by their first name in alphabetical order-
...and the winner would get a mention of them or their blog, plus a large cup from my Cafepress shop. So I will list my favorites by the name of the author and by their first name in alphabetical order-
"This just in, an Earth-breaking announcement."
From Powder Burn Flash.com Publisher, Aldo Calcagno.
Doc, hit all the cultural references better than Letterman or John Stewart, but this made me laugh the hardest-
"Where's the rest of your 'Rockband' game?"
Paulie Decibels almost won me over with a Madness-reference, but I prefer-
"You could put someone's eye out with that!"
Quin Browne knows the classics and while Doc made me laugh the whole time I read his quotes, this made me laugh the hardest-
"It only looks smaller than six inches."
So? I made a choice and then I asked The Missus. I read her the quotes and she kept trying to see who wrote what, but I wasn't havin' it, because I wanted to make sure it was unanimous and she says that Doc is the winner!
Doc has a fine blog, "Social Zymurgy: The Culture of Beer," that has a mixture of philosophy, writing and the occasional illustration. The thing I respect about Doc the most besides his fine musings, is that he is an auto-didactic like myself. He is also quite a raconteur.
He is also married to the wonderful Flan and they have the parenting-thing down to a science.
So congratulations, Doc, you've won my first ever caption contest!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Best Of: "Think Inside The Box"
The "Heist Man" cometh...that is, the third in the series of his stories. The third, "Retribution," was just published in Crooked Magazine, and the first was $8,400 A Carat.
Here is the second, "Think Inside The Box."
Here is the second, "Think Inside The Box."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)