"21. And the 78th to submit a chick-lit manuscript about an attractive woman’s sweet tooth and affection for footwear, called CHOCOLATE AND SHOES."
Sh*t, I was going to buy a house with that one.
"31. There’s a fine line between writing authentic regional dialogue and making all of your characters sound like stroke victims."
Ah yes, that's where Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson saves the day, or your Cajun pimp will wind up sounding like a punch-drunk Louisianian.
"38. For the first 20 pages, everyone who reads it is certain it’s the funniest book they’ve ever read. Unfortunately by the 21st, they finally realize you’re actually being serious."
"41. When writing erotica, you want to avoid graphic descriptions of acne, cellulite and back fat."
Aw, (expletive) limit me, why don't ya?
"15. It’s not technically a novel until you’ve written it down first."
Damn, why don't some of my best friends tell me these things?