Sunday, March 7, 2010

Oscars '10

Ante Scriptum: Sure, this maybe Ben Stiller, but damn if he doesn't look like someone else that I used to work with.




I've said it before and I'll say it again...Gays, if The Oscars are truly your Superbowl, riot it up! I'm not saying that you should turn over cars, but if you don't at least mob up or set fire to some garbage cans? Then the saying doesn't hold true.

All right, I've been doing this since '06, and I actually used to watch movies back then. Not so much with '07 and by '08, I practically gave up on all things cinematic. By last year, I was phoning it in, but then again, so was Hollywood.

"Why does a prisoner drop soap?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that for Neil Patrick Harris? And he sung that on purpose? I told you that they're phoning it in. "No one wants to do it alone?"

They don't want to hear that song again, either.
Ever.

I spoke too soon, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are doing an admirable job, and they're winging those jokes faster than I can type.

Alec: And this can be a first Steve. Because they just don't give Oscars to stand up comedians, but nobody has to tell you that.

The first 3D glasses joke, and there should be plenty more, because apparently there are a lot of bad 3D movie scripts floating around Hollywood right now. They want to capitalize on "Avatar," and yeah, that's how logic works in the City of Angles (sic).

BTW, "The Hurt Locker" is not a film, it's what happens when I come home five minutes late and The Missus gives me what for, in the doorway.

Hey, Clooney, how can you not laugh at that Toyota joke?

Alec: Here's the inglorious bastards section...

Steve: And over here are the people that made the movie.


You gotta feel for Carey Mulligan...



...until she gets married or changes her surname? Bad golf jokes abound...amongst other unfavorable things.

I see that they've brought back the phrase, "And the winner is..." As many shafts as the Academy has wrought over the years, "And the award goes to," was and is, the most apropos.

On behalf of the sickly little mole people that Robert Downey Jr. was talking about, I'm happy for Mark Boal, and damn it Quentin, you should be too!

I like the films of John Hughes, though I don't love all of them. It took his passing for him to get a Lifetime Achievement Award, and you know that the Academy never would have given him one otherwise. It's not that I don't think that he didn't deserve it, it's just that when you compare the reluctance behind the ones for Alfred Hitchcock and Blake Edwards, John was never gonna get one any other way.

John Lassiter: You know the tools to make a film, are so readily accessible. Cameras, your lap top. My advice to young filmmakers about making a film; the tools never make a great the film, it's what you do with the tools. Telling a great story, entertaining an audience...that's what's going to win you an Academy Award. Then in the very same segment, "Logorama" wins..."Logorama?" How the hell can anyone beat Wallace and Grommet??? Re-fucking-count! I demand a fucking recount!

Is Geoffrey Fletcher the very first African American to win Best Adapted Screenplay? He is certainly the only Black screenwriter I've ever seen take to the Kodak Theatre stage.

The very day that The Missus saw "Precious," she accurately predicted that Mo'nique would win and with the clip that they showed, who could argue?

With the hum, the odd ambient noise and near feedback, whoever did the sound for this award show should be fired. Even banquet halls that serve rubber chicken, don't have such poor sound.


Twenty some odd minutes later? Here we go, interpretive modern break dancing ballet. It's The Academy's way of saying, "hey everybody, filler. Go to the bathroom while you can, make that phone call, make the beast with two backs, eat a pizza...do whatever you can get done in four minutes and thirty seconds."

As much as I loved "Star Trek," I would've been the first to scream bloody murder if "Avatar" didn't win for Best Special Effects.

Wow, Pedro Almadovar and Quentin Tarantino on the same stage? Everything that was good about 90's cinema.

Having their peers introduce them, is a wonderful addition to the Best Actor and Best Actress categories. Jeff Bridges is an acting god in this household, and yet, why does he get to do a five minute speech, when everyone else gets cut short? I think to rectify this, The Academy could have Catherine Zeta-Jones give a speech at my house for five minutes.

Kathyn Bigelow? C'mon, Hollywood, stop saying that women can't direct, and stop saying that women can't direct action films.



"The Hurt Locker" should've won, and did win. Congratulations!

15 comments:

Paul D. Brazill said...

I haven't seen The Hurt Locker but I'm glad that KB won because she is a great action director-Point Break, Near Dark, Blue Steel.

I'm super glad that Waltz won Best Supporting actor as he was great. IB was easily the most fun I had at the cinema last year and he was the best thing in it.

There's sopmething very beige and middlebrow about the Oscars - 'Streepy' my mate used to call it- and I rarely notice who wins.

BTW remember The Wrestler? You know that corny made-for-TV style film that was SO big last year? No? Didn't think so...

MRMacrum said...

The Oscars were last night? Who knew?

David Cranmer said...

Other than BASTERDS and a bootleg AVATAR I didn't see any of these pics and there's a good chance I won't.

Enjoyed your commentary.

Hire Me said...

I'm really glad they have the Oscars every year. People in the movie business have such low self-esteem, it's good to see them pat themselves on the back for a change.

(please note heavy sarcasm)

(This is Ubie, too lazy to change her screen name)

Cormac Brown said...

Paulie Decibels,

It was easily the best film I've seen this year, though temper that with the fact that I am one of two people who have yet to see "Avatar." "The Hurt Locker" will have you riveted to your seat, and it doesn't let up until almost the last fifteen minutes.

I did try to watch "The Wrestler," and I jumped in where Mickey worked at the deli counter. I had to give up, though I will try another day.

MRM,

The show has pretty much become an excuse to do a blog post. I have rejected movies for the most part, in favor of books.

David,

Thanks, but you have to see "The Hurt Locker." You won't be disappointed. The Missus also said "Precious" was a hellva film.

Über,

Well, I will say this, pretty much everyone that comes to this blog would love to win a writing award. Now, how much emotional investment do any of us have, for people who get to go home and swim in money like Scrooge McDuck? You hit the nail on the head and it went straight through the wall.

Crybbe666 said...

You can tell that the AA don't mean too much to Australians when the studio hosts here suggested that the Oscar would go to "The HUNT Locker".
Says it all, really.
Like David, enjoyed your commentary nonetheless, especially after I switched it off after that gaffe!

sunshine said...

Okay.. I laughed my ass off while reading this. Very funny. :P

Especially your "Hurt Locker" joke.

I am SO happy Jeff Bridges won!!! Yay!
I just love that whole family. :)

Great write up Cormac!

((Hugs))
Laura

Hire Me said...

I'm still to tired to change my screen ID.

You know, I think I'd watch the damn show if it ONLY honored the behind-the-scenes people and writers and composers. But that would get zero viewership.

What WOULD draw viewers, and what I'd ALSO like to see, is all of the service providers involved in film-making (make-up artists, food service, etc.) submit stories about the assholes in Hollywood, then vote on who is the biggest one. I guess they can include nice stories, too -- if they have any.

Cormac Brown said...

Aussie Paul,

"You can tell that the AA don't mean too much to Australians when the studio hosts here suggested that the Oscar would go to 'The HUNT Locker.'"

(whistles)
Of course they could've said worse, though I doubt it would've gotten by Standards And Practices. Thanks, you did miss a lot...not really. You can see the best moments on the Internet and rejoice at the time that you haven't lost.

Laura,

Thank you and what "joke?"

Über,

You'd be surprised. If you've ever seen "True Romance," Quentin Tarantino did a parody of a producer who is infamous for yelling at people and being ruthless. A friend of mine told me two nice stories about his real-life counterpart...which kind of ruined my mental experience.

You read in Premiere Magazine about how he bites the heads off assistants like Ozzy does bats...and then that's gone.

David Barber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David Barber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Crybbe666 said...

Cormac,

If we can't get a Pam Anderson commercial past the Advertising Standards Bureau, not much chance of the GRUNT Locker...that's the word you meant, right?

Here a link to the ad in question:

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=1019573

David Barber said...

Great write up Cormac. Didn't watch it 'live' but will catch the condensed version on one channel or another. I used to love watching the oscars when I was younger, there was certainly a better feel to the whole thing but now it just doesn't seem as good. I may be just being getting old? Like David, I've got a couple of bootlegs of some of the winning movies so will watch them. (After I've sorted my Friday Flash Fiction out...of course.) :-)

Randal Graves said...

I think the last awards show of any kind that I watched was the Grammys in 1989 when Metallica performed One.

I think the last movie I saw in the theatre was the last X-Files flick.

I think that the redhead from Mad Men is sweetjeebusontoast.

Cormac Brown said...

Aussie Paul,

The TV Networks over here call the censors "Standards And Practices." Odd, eh? Yes, I've heard about the Pam fiasco, and that's odd considering how lenient the film and TV seems to be over there.

David,

You're the second person to bring up bootlegs, damn it! Writers are paid even less than the peanuts they usually get, when people buy bootlegs.

I wonder if the Oscars are getting worse, or all we all growing up and we're wiser to the shenanigans?

Randal,

If you're talking about "One," that would be in the 90's and isn't that the year they were "Jethro Tulled?" Of this year's nominated films, I only saw "Star Trek" and "The Hurt Locker," so I'm with ya.

That tomato from "Mad Men" is a real tomato and she's so dang fine, I'd eat bulgur off of her. And God, I hate bulgur.