"I Never Said You Were Her"

“I never said you were her.”

Good, I have her attention. That’s right, blink at the me with those pretty eyes.

“What I mean is, you could be her, but they are three things missing. You weren’t driven here by the wind gods, there is no gigantic scallop shell underneath your feet and you’re nowhere near nude. Still I could be wrong, you could be Venus, coming down from Mount Olympus to revisit us mortals.”

“Us mortals?” What the hell did that last part come from? You're laying it on thick like concrete on pancakes. See, look how confused she looks?

“I love your eyes, they’re so pretty. The way you gaze at me with them, such intensity. You’re an intense person and I love that, I can appreciate that. It shows that you are as strong as you are beautiful.”

This is it, she’s measuring you with her eyes. Damn. After they get a load of her at work, they'll call me "Action Man."

“Your eyes...they inspire me. They’re so exquisite, yet so inquisitive. I’ll bet that you’re wondering if I could match your intensity and if we could make a connection.”

Oh, God, I sound like my grandfather. Maybe I could break out his Member’s Only jacket and gold chains from storage, yeah. And then I’ll open my shirt down to my waist, that will levitate her libido...idiot!Oh, wait. All’s not lost, she’s still maintaining eye-contact.

“What I mean is, I want to get to know what is behind those eyes before I’m lost in them for forever.”

Jesus, “for forever?” Smooth move Ex-lax. Hey, look at that smile!

“Jeg ikke taler Engelsk.”*

“Wha? Pardon?”

What did she just say? What the hell language was that? Oh great, you probably called her a skank in whatever she's speaking and you didn’t even know it. Wait, wait, she’s going into her purse. She’s writing down her phone number, but what the the hell are we going to talk about?

Wait a minute, this is perfect! There's no small talk to get in the way and I won't bore her! We’ll have to do all of our talking between the sheets. No, she crossed out what she was going to say!

“I from Norway, I don’t speak English. De synes hyggelig, men De slår det ned.** Um, sorry bye-bye.”

Great, now I’m not Action Man but the Internationaly Shot Down Man. Wave back to her and pretend to smile like you actually have some dignity left.I wonder if there's anything good on TV tonight?


*I don’t speak English.

** You seem nice, but you need to dial it down.

Note: This was the first time I had experienced flash fiction with a deadline. Whenever I tried to write in high school, it would take me the entire period to come up with the opening paragraph and it would be time to turn in the paper by the time I started the second paragraph.

The starter sentence that JJ came up with was "I never said you were..."