"They Should Make People Take A Test"

They should make people take a test before they fly. If you want to be a pilot, you have to spend several hours flying with an instructor and there are tests that you have to pass to prove that you can fly solo. Same with driving, you need a course in driver’s education and some time behind the wheel with an instructor, or at least prove your competency to a test giver at the DMV.

I know bungee jumping and a drinking buddy of mine, Giuseppe knows base jumping. He got these base jumpers from Sacramento loaded to the point to the point that they passed out, then he swiped their parachutes. It took the Sheriff three weeks to lay off of the most prime spot in the county, like he was going to catch whoever he thought took the ‘chutes when he couldn’t catch a cold, buck-naked in Alaska.

Giuseppe demonstrated how check the ‘chute, how to roll it up, and how to do the same with the backup ‘chute. I followed as best as I could, but he talks pretty damn fast when he’s cranked up. He said “safety first,” but we didn’t have real helmets like I’ve seen the real base jumpers use. We had to make do with some old ill-fitting skateboard helmets instead, Giuseppe said it wouldn’t make a difference because when you hit the ground wrong, no brain bucket in the world will save you.

The first time we jumped off the bridge…it was better than everything including sex because let’s face it, there isn’t an orgasm in the world that will last that long. The second time was a different sensation altogether, because that’s when I learned how to fly. My first chute failed and the precious seconds I had to open the second are as good as gone, for the backup is all fucked up.

It’s amazing how the speed of thought compares to terminal veloc-


Note: JJ's starter sentence was, “they should make people take a test before they...”