Blogpourri: Part III

Ah yes, "Blogpourri: Part III." And just like Al Pacino and Silvio from "The Sopranos," just when you thought you were out...I'll pull you back in. Of course, unlike "The Godfather: Part III," it won't take up over two hours of your time and there will be no critics savaging Sofia Coppola here.

Since I opened this posting with a crime reference, let's kick this off with the most relentless crime fighter this side of Batman and the most tenacious detective this side of Inspector Jalvert, Bubs. Bubs has hit the big time with Arresting Tales! We're talking about a blogger being sponsored by the Chicago Tribune's Media Company and Joe Bubs shows you what life is like from his side of the badge. Believe you me, it's not all about taking your sunglasses off and making inane quips, à la David Caruso.

Next, I give you Quin, and I give you Veronica. Two writers that in the original vernacular, "school me on a regular basis." Unlike most of us who put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, their writing evolves and improves with every piece.

First, just as this blog was originally designed to be, Quin has all of her published online work one one blog. It's all Quin, all the time, with better quality overall than Video On Demand, and unlike the cable companies, she won't put a dent in your wallet.

Next, after a two week-hiatus, Veronica is back. Two weeks is too long, but hey, I won't complain if she follows it up with a post every two days (please?).

Mental Wall

For some reason, right around 5:45 this morning, I hit a mental wall.

Be assured, as physics dictates, the wall will always win.

Blogpourri Redux

Corey Wilde's interview with David Zeltserman is here and it is a must read for fans, and non-fans of crime fiction. We're talking not only his books, but a nice little foray into the publishing world. My favorite excerpt-

It’s also interesting that publishers have no problem publishing subversive dark books if they’re labeled literary, such as what Chuck Palahniuk’s been writing. It’s only when the books are labeled mystery/crime that they blanch at this and don’t trust their readers with anything other than what they consider safe books.

I just read Palahniuk's "Snuff" last week and I couldn't agree with him more.

The King is dead, long live The King. If you missed Paul D Brazill's (a.k.a. Sir Paulie Decibels deHartlepool) "Swamplands" on Flashshot, A Twist of Noir has reissued it.

Last but not least, The Missus has created two-

new


necklaceseseses, necklai?*




*I know, I know, "necklaces."

Blogpourri Time

My friend, author, animator and illustrator Stephanie Olivieri has joined blogdom, with I'm Just Saying. Please drop on by place and welcome her to the Blogosphere.

For Bubs? What could've been. Nick Cave has allegedly wrote a great sequel script to "Gladiator" and Russell Crowe was all for it, but the studios nixed the deal. I'll say this; Nick Cave wrote the best damn Australian western I have ever seen in "The Proposition," and it could've been just as easy to make the movie about Maximus's brother.

Gary Dobbs is on Crimewav this week, reading Rhondda Noir.

Last, but not least; tomorrow, Corey Wilde will be interviewing David Zeltserman, the author of "Pariah." Corey's review had convinced me to put "Pariah" on my October TBR pile.

Katie Schwartz, I presume

Becker and Fagen got it wrong, Katie didn't lie, she merely changed blogging engines.

No, you're still not listening, it was Elvis that left the building, Katie is still here.

Now everything you wanted to know about Farmhouse editor, author extraordinaire, fighter of evil, and my best online for forever, Katie Schwartz, is at a new blogging address at http://katieschwartz.wordpress.com. That's http://katieschwartz.wordpress.com/, please make a note of it.

Dave Eggers Says Don't Give Up Hope

In the Book Bench section in the online version of The New Yorker Magazine, Dave Eggers has a message to writers, publishers and readers...don't give up hope.

To any of you who are feeling down, and saying, “Oh, no one’s reading anymore”: Walk into 826 (Valencia) on any afternoon. There are no screens there, it’s all paper, it’s all students working shoulder to shoulder invested in their work, writing down something, thinking their work might get published. They put it all on the page, and they think, “Well, if this person who works next to me cares so much about what I’m writing, and they’re going to publish it in their next anthology or newspaper or whatever, then I’m going to invest so much more in it.” And then meanwhile, they’re reading more than I did at their age. …

Nothing has changed! The written word—the love of it and the power of the written word—it hasn’t changed. It’s a matter of fostering it, fertilizing it, not giving up on it, and having faith.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream At Sp*m, Because It's Obscene

I'm not going to tell sp*mmers how to improve their sp*m, but I will say this...


...putting, "I am very urgently waiting for your response" in the email's title, will not win me over. It is not the email equivalent of flowers, dinner and a movie; it's just not doing it for me. It is the email equivalent of picking a flower out of my neighbor's front yard, because you are too cheap to even buy those wilted, moldering discount supermarket flowers with the price tag still attached.

I tell you what, Mister or Missus Too Lazy To Use Grammar Check? I myself, am "very urgently waiting" to be recognized as a literary tour de force, and "I am very urgently waiting to win the lotto." If either of these come through for me? Well, I will "very urgently," actually answer your sp*m and send you $1,000, no questions asked.

Please note that I will choose the denomination, which will most likely be, the rustiest, crustiest and greenest pennies I can find. Please also note that these funds will arrive at your destination in a heavy duty chest that is chained and crossed chained, with locks that have been welded shut. Finally, note that this $1,000 will be promptly conveyed to you, after you deposit fifteen thousand U.S. Dollars into my bank account. Just because I will be either rich or famous, or hopefully some wonderful combination of both, doesn't mean I'm picking up the tab.

Sp*mmers? I very urgently await your response.


Yours truly,

Cormac "S.O.B." Brown

"So Deaf" Is On Powder Burn Flash

My story "So Deaf" was just posted on Powder Burn Flash.com this morning and this story is bitter sweet for me. The stalwart station of San Francisco Bay Area jazz, KKSF has shut down the terrestrial station and now its presence will be strictly online. Though I haven't listened to the station as much as a I used to, it was still my main non-classical music refuge when I was driving.

Until last year, they had the "Jazz Cafe" on Sunday nights, which was a link to KJAZ in both spirit and in the audio flesh, with a former KJAZ dj running the show. Corporate radio is going to force me by default to switch to Sirius/XM, bastards.

Anyway, the tie-in to my story is that the protagonist is on his way to a jazz club in The Fillmore district here in San Francisco, when he gets a call for assistance. You see, Sgt. Hewitt works with the Gang Suppression Unit and there has just been a shooting not too far from his destination. This my first police procedural, so please, take a look at "So Deaf."

Be assured that like me, my character Sgt. Hewitt had KKSF on his radio before he got the call.

An inside look at Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson via Inside Look Magazine

When she's not putting Astonishing Adventures Magazine together or handling coverage for production companies from virtually every corner of the world, Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson writes as well.

The May/June issue of Inside Look features sacred places and Katherine wrote a wonderful article about Machu Picchu. Go to the bottom left and click "Machu Picchu, Emerald City In The Clouds."

Whatever You Do, Don't Step On "Delete"

When In Shenzhen, whatever you do, do not step on "delete."

Seriously.

Come to think of it, be careful as well who is standing next to you when step on "enter."

Best Of: "A Cool Breeze Licked The Back Of Her Neck"

This will be the last "Best Of" until some time during the summer. It's a quick read about a girl's valiant last stand. Here is "A Cool Breeze Licked The Back Of Her Neck" and as with all of my stories, don't try this at home.

Quoth The Toni Morrison

"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."

– Toni Morrison


From the Creative Screenwriting Weekly Newsletter

The Missus Has A Pic Of Me On The Web...

...but you're going to have to go to here and blow up the last photo.

And while you at her blog, check out the rest of the photos she did for Associated Content.

That's Me In Corner...

That's me...though that's not...quite...right
Appearing in a Paul D. Brazill story.

Between keeping up with off-season NFL moves, crime fic blogs and my blog roll, I don't get a lot of chances to get over to Gary Dobbs's Tainted Archive, the finest western blog that I know of and in all likelihood, the best ever. This is a shame, because Mr. Dobbs covers both classic and neo westerns with equal passion, while most blogs tend to stick to one or the other. If you are ever on a game show, and you need a phone lifeline concerning western literature or film, Gary has to be your lifeline, period.

So the little "blogs that I'm following" window said that he was featuring guest blogger Paul D. Brazill. I read a little further and it turns out that Mr. Brazill wrote a story and well, you'll just have to read it for yourselves.

"Going To See A Whale About A Man"

The Heist Man commeth, and he has changed careers for the moment. I have a story up at A Twist Of Noir called "Going To See A Whale About A Man." It features the return of The Heist Man and features both, a certain crime author famous on both sides of the pond, and the jewels of America's most famous bimbo.


As I sit down, I notice that Kieran is twice as good as I am at scanning a room. You wouldn’t know that he’s taking everything in, unless you too had pay attention to everything in order to stay out of jail and stay alive. His eyes go to the front door as he raises his beer, and then they go to the bathroom as he puts the glass down. His eyes widen ever-so-slightly as they return to the front door, and that’s tipped me off that something is about to go down.

From their angry mumbling, I’m guessing that they are Vietnamese, but I don’t know Vietnamese from Laotian. I do know that they have guns, because they are doing such a poor job of disguising this fact, that I can see this in the dirty mirrors behind Kieran. I’m screwed because they’ve taken up position behind me, and any move on my part at this time will most likely get me shot. Kieran has his right hand under a napkin on the table and I guarantee that’s not a fork under it.

“Gentlemen, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Kieran lays it on thick, solely for the benefit of the diners. Despite the beer-filled haze, everyone in here seems to have figured out that these guys aren’t here as some kind of new alternate entertainment for a mariachi band. The one behind me with the pink and green gel-covered hair, straight out of an anime, leans over me and puts a gun in my back.


Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "Going To See A Whale About A Man."

Quoth C.S. Lewis

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

– C.S. Lewis

From the Creative Screenwriting Weekly Newsletter

Issue #6 Of Astonishing Adventures Magazine Is Here!

So let me get this straight, it is John D. Carlucci's birthday and what does he do? He gives all of you a present! How impressive is that? You see? That's why I call him "Johnny Dollars," the dude is money.

So what does the birthday boy have up his sleeve? An epic collaboration with Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson that brings you a pulp magazine full of action, adventure, suspense, mystery, murder, horror, and drama. Think of it as all of your college years and your career, all rolled up into one...minus the bad food and having to bow to the porcelain altar the morning after.



Not to mention you get a story from yours truly called "All The Better To," and here is an excerpt-

Dix’s eyes light up when he spots the old lady. His odd gait picks up speed and purpose, like an odd cross between Boris Karloff’s Frankenstein and an effete dandy. He stops and looms over the old frail. He’s got a sick grin on his face, like a starving dog that’s just smelled some fresh meat. The rat is out to ruin probably the only fun she’s had all month long.

She looks so fragile that I’m afraid Dix’s mere presence is going to give her a heart attack. She winces before she even sees him, I’ll bet his breath got there seconds before he did. When he goes on a bender, forget about asking him to brush his teeth and spend your time looking for a gas mask left over from the Great War instead.

She gets up with her box in hand, but Dix hems her in the corner. His sneer is so severe, that it looks like his face is going to split in two. Thinking it’s great sport, Dix bellows, “Oh, Grandma, what a big chin you have.”

The old frail cranes her neck and looks up at him with one eye. I’m just glad that she’s not smoking or Dix’s 100 proof breath would probably set both of them on fire. “That’s because my chin is big and strong, so that I can stand up to the likes of you,” she says in a high reedy voice.

“And oh, Grandma, look at how much hair you have on your chin…why, it’s as if you are trying to grow a beard.”

“I’m not your grandmother, but if I were? I’d take you over my knee and give you what for.”

Like a punch to the face, that remark breaks Dix’s sneer. He purses his lips and leans over her. “And oh, Grandma…”

All eyes in the room are on them, and there is one huge collective gasp, as Dix yanks the shawl and scarf off the frail elderly woman. Mine is the loudest, because now I recognize her, even though her hands quickly try to cover her face.

Now, here's where this gets real interesting, if you get the hard copy off from Amazon?* You'll get an exclusive story "Djinn," from upcoming author Katt Parrish, a real Scheherazade if there ever was one.

Click here for the digital copy.

*The link for the hard copy is coming soon.

Best Of: "Cynara"

Soon, the sixth issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine and...well, you're just going to have to wait until it arrives.

In the meantime, when Aldo, Gerald and Patti get together? They always come up with a great premise and more often than not, even better flash fiction ensues. One day, they'll give Akashic Noir a run for the money and you will recall that you read that here first.

This story is called "Cynara" and you'll have to read it, to understand the origin of the flash fiction challenge, and just who "Cynara" really is. In this story, for a change of pace, you will have the actual and correct William Congreve quote-

Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

I would bring up a famous Chris Rock quote, but nothing is worse than having the audience fail to make the distinction between the author and the fictional characters that he writes about. So just let me say this of this story's protagonist, you can't spell "lothario" without "l-o-a-t-h." But every story needs a villain and true to noir tradition, trust no one in this story except to do what is best for themselves.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is "Cynara."

Post-Draft Blogpurri

Ante Scriptum- Paulie Decibels reworked "Sleeping It Off" into "Bingo Master's Breakout" and it was just posted on A Twist Of Noir. Now Ladies and Gentlemen, back to the original post-

Do you think that a certain Paul D. Brazill...



...Bares a certain resemblance to Will Durst?

Is it me, or is it a coincidence that you never see both in the same venue, at the same time?

Of course, they are rarely within 5,000 miles of each other, they really don't actually look alike and there is a noticeable fifteen years difference between them, but don't let that get in the way of an Internet-based rumor.

At any rate, on Silents and Talkies, Paul D. Brazill talks about one of the greatest actors of all time and the favorite actor of most of the writers I know, Robert Mitchum.

Patti Abbott takes on a trip On Paladin Road, think what would happen if Scott Wolven met The Twilight Zone, Hitchcock meets Rod Serling.

Last but not least, Google/Blogger gave away Quin's old blog, lock, stock, and barrel. Just like that, no rhyme, reason or warning. In the meantime she has started anew, here at-

quinbrowne.blogspot.com.

Please do me a huge favor and "follow" her blog if you ever loved her Six Sentences or her musings.

Best Of: "Snow And Sacrifice"

Well, that post went over badly, without comment and cue the chirping of the Internet crickets. Here's the same post linked to a different story-

It pains me to read some of my old work, though not exactly for the reasons that you would imagine. I can write with greater economy now and I've gotten better at building suspense, though that is not saying much at all. What really annoys me is that I can't write horror the way I used to. I can't up the stakes with horror in the same manner as I can with crime fiction, and I can't create a twist that I am happy with, and still have the story come out to more than 200 words.

Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson is sitting on a horror story that I wrote for Astonishing Adventures Magazine, that you will probably never read unless I become famous. That story has a strong premise, a decent beginning and not much else. It's all sizzle and somehow the remaining steak turned into really mediocre tempeh. I have an old story that deserves another go, and hopefully you will read it in the next three months.

In the meantime, let this tie you over. It's called "Snow And Sacrifice" and please note, this was originally written back in June, 2006, so some aspects of the story are a little dated.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "Snow And Sacrifice" and please, don't ride the white horse.

Read On, Read On

I'm going on a quick blogging vacation at least until Wednesday, but that doesn't mean that there isn't abundant content to be read.


Keith Rawson won the First A Twist of Noir's Story Contest with "In The Shower, Thinking."

Eric Beetner was in second place with the neo-noir "Past Due."

Kevin Michaels points out why it's not a good idea to flash your cash in "Hard Streak."

Paulie Decibels writes about the horror, the horror, at Thrillers Killers 'n' Chillers, with "This Old House." Think more Halloween British style, than Bob Villa.

Last but not least, mi amica, Pyzhan tries to get me and everyone else hip to other hardboiled MacDonald, John. D. If you only saw how big my TBR pile was, Pyzahn, you'd cry like a baby.

Beware The Ides Of Roman Literature

The New York Times has an interesting essay by Mary Beard, comparing the authors of Rome with modern authors. Amazingly, in a sense, very little has changed.

Even though they didn't have printing presses and they had to use slaves to manually copy text from one scroll to another, other traditions from that era have lived on.

All the same, there’s a lot in the Roman literary world that seems quite familiar two millenniums later: money-­making booksellers, exploited and impoverished authors, celebrity book launches and career-making prizes.

...most Roman writers knew that the profits of their writing ended up in the pockets of the booksellers, who often combined retail trade with a copying business — and so were, in effect, publishers and distributors too. At best, the author received only a lump sum from the seller for the rights to copy his work (though once the text was “out,” there was no way of stopping pirated copies).

Good gravy, since the Normans had yet to come into existence, I guess you wouldn't have had an author with the name "Nora Roberts" back then. Correction, "Norma was a druidess during the Roman occupation of England and "Norma" is not the feminine version of "Norman." So what would that be, "Nora Roberticus?" Or would it that be "Nora Rigoberto?"

Note that here we go again with adventures in reading and punctuation-

The books they read were not “books” in our sense but, at least up to the second century, “book rolls” — long strips of papyrus, rolled up on two wooden rods at either end. To read the work in question, you unrolled the papyrus from the left-hand rod, onto the right, leaving a “page” stretched between the two. It was considered the height of bad manners to leave the text on the right- hand rod when you had finished reading, so that the next reader had to rewind back to the beginning to find the title page. Bad manners — but a common fault, no doubt. Some scribes helpfully repeated the title of the book at the very end, with just this problem in mind.

These cumbersome rolls made reading a very different experience than it is with the modern book. Skimming, for example, was much more difficult, as was looking back a few pages to check out that name you had forgotten (as it is on Kindle). Not to mention the fact that at some periods of Roman history, it was the fashion to copy out the text with no breaks between the words, but as a river of letters. In comparison, deciphering the most challenging postmodern text (or “Finnegans Wake,” for that matter) looks easy.

(insert inappropriate joke about a "period" of your choice, right here). The rest of Mary Beard's essay is in its entirety right here.

Blood Will Spill

Please, I need you to know that no matter what, I love you very much.


Accusations will fly like a hundred courtrooms all merged together.

Things will be said that cannot be taken back. Blood will spill.

All is fair in love and war, but all bets are off when there’s too much liquor at a family reunion.

Oh no, Uncle Chaz has gotten into the Jose Cuervo again, may God have mercy on us all!

The Ever Efficent Flan

Flannery is a super wife and supermom. She dominated the online game The Bad Lieutenant's Wife like she created it herself and now she pays a little homage to Mel Gibon's movie and marriage career.

What a birthday present, and everybody else gave me coal!

"Number"

She is my numerological exception.

Like a number, she is irrational and few can understand her, much less explain her without a chalkboard.

And like mathematics, you could lock me in a room with all the tutors in the world and I'll never understand her, because I have dyscalculia.

Or look at us this way-

XX + XY= Confusion.