Alterna-Title-Sequel-Tive Part III

So Flannery said of this post, yesterday "might be fun to have a 'fill in the blanks' contest." I thinks that's a great idea and I'll shoot for that next Monday, when my writing schedule is a little less hectic. In the meantime Miss Flan who owned The Bad Lieutenant's Wife Game like no other including its creator, why don't you try this?


Alterna-Title-Sequel-Tive

Being a former aspiring screenwriter, why don't I adapt the same reverence and accuracy for the source material that Hollywood does, while even out "Hollywooding" Hollywood and going to the pointless sequel right off the bat.

I'll give you the original book title, and then I'll follow it up with the shameless pseudo-Hollywood rip-off, okay? As an example...The Original: "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" My Sequel: "Been There, Wish I Hadn't Done That." Got it?



The Original: "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" The Sequel: "The Smell of Pee Grows On My Brooklyn Stoop"

The Original: "Hop On Pop
The Sequel: "Hopped-Up Pop"

The Original: "The Witches of Eastwick"
The Sequel: "Your Yeast Infection Keeps You In Check"

The Original: "The World According To Garp"
The Sequel: "The Hurled Accordion Is Sharp"

The Original: "The Satanic Verses"
The Sequel: "The Satanic Knock-Off Purses"

The Original: "The Tropic of Cancer"
The Sequel: "The Topic of Pantser"

The Original: "The Sound And The Fury"
The Sequel: "The Paparazzi Hound Suri"

Alterna-Title-Sequel-Tive Part Deux

Being a former aspiring screenwriter, why don't I adapt the same reverence and accuracy for the source material that Hollywood does, while even out "Hollywooding" Hollywood and going to the pointless sequel right off the bat.

I'll give you the original book title, and then I'll follow it up with the shameless pseudo-Hollywood rip-off, okay? As an example...The Original: "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" My Sequel: "Been There, Wish I Hadn't Done That." Got it?


The Original: "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex, But Were Afraid To Ask." My Sequel: "Everything You Didn't Want To Know About Abstinance, To Help Cure Your Insomnia."

The Original: "A Tale of Two Cities" My Sequel: "A Tale of Two Silicone (you pretty much know what goes here)."

The Original: "Carrie." My Sequel: "Hairy."

The Original: "Call of The Wild." My Sequel: "Mall of The Mild."

The Original: "Horton Hears A Who." My Sequel: "Horton Loses His Hearing At A Who Concert."

The Original: "The Man In The Iron Mask" My Sequel: "The Granny With The Iron Flask"

The Original: "Charlotte's Web." My Sequel: "Harlot's Ebb."

Alterna-Title-Sequel-Tive

Last week I saw a TV ad for a movie remake of a TV series that I kind of enjoyed as a child. It might turn out to be a good pic after all as the actors are good at what they do, but I kind of got the feeling that all this movie had in common with the original TV series, was the title and a couple of the characters names. It seemed to be the worst possible permutation of "missed it by that much."

I thought being a former aspiring screenwriter, why don't I adapt the same reverence and accuracy for the source material that Hollywood does, while even out "Hollywooding" Hollywood and going to the pointless sequel right off the bat.

I'll give you the original book title, and then I'll follow it up with the shameless pseudo-Hollywood rip-off, okay?

The Original: "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"
My Sequel: "Been There, Wish I Hadn't Done That."

The Original: "Jaws."
My Sequel: "Gums."

The Original: "Kiss The Girls."
My Sequel: "Trick The Girls Into Signing A Pre-Nup."

The Original: "Crime And Punishment"
My Sequel: "Parole, Minimum Wage And Ennui."

The Original: "Europe On $25 A Day."
My Sequel: "Your Backyard On A Bag Of Stale Airline Peanuts & Two Cans Of Flat Soda, A Day."

The Original: "The Moosewood Cookbook"
My Sequel: "Fifty Percent Of These Recipes Taste Just Like Wood, Cookbook."

The Original: "How To Influence Friends And Influence People."
My Sequel: "How To Spin Friends And Influenza People."

The Original: "The Old Man And The Sea."
My Sequel: "The Old Man, Spring Break, Viagra And The Heart Attack."