Oscars '10

Ante Scriptum: Sure, this maybe Ben Stiller, but damn if he doesn't look like someone else that I used to work with.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...Gays, if The Oscars are truly your Superbowl, riot it up! I'm not saying that you should turn over cars, but if you don't at least mob up or set fire to some garbage cans? Then the saying doesn't hold true.

All right, I've been doing this since '06, and I actually used to watch movies back then. Not so much with '07 and by '08, I practically gave up on all things cinematic. By last year, I was phoning it in, but then again, so was Hollywood.

"Why does a prisoner drop soap?" Seriously? Somebody wrote that for Neil Patrick Harris? And he sung that on purpose? I told you that they're phoning it in. "No one wants to do it alone?"

They don't want to hear that song again, either.

Ever.

I spoke too soon, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are doing an admirable job, and they're winging those jokes faster than I can type.

Alec: And this can be a first Steve. Because they just don't give Oscars to stand up comedians, but nobody has to tell you that.

The first 3D glasses joke, and there should be plenty more, because apparently there are a lot of bad 3D movie scripts floating around Hollywood right now. They want to capitalize on "Avatar," and yeah, that's how logic works in the City of Angles (sic).

BTW, "The Hurt Locker" is not a film, it's what happens when I come home five minutes late and The Missus gives me what for, in the doorway.

Hey, Clooney, how can you not laugh at that Toyota joke?

Alec: Here's the inglorious bastards section...

Steve: And over here are the people that made the movie.

You gotta feel for Carey Mulligan...

...until she gets married or changes her surname? Bad golf jokes abound...amongst other unfavorable things.

I see that they've brought back the phrase, "And the winner is..." As many shafts as the Academy has wrought over the years, "And the award goes to," was and is, the most apropos.

On behalf of the sickly little mole people that Robert Downey Jr. was talking about, I'm happy for Mark Boal, and damn it Quentin, you should be too!

I like the films of John Hughes, though I don't love all of them. It took his passing for him to get a Lifetime Achievement Award, and you know that the Academy never would have given him one otherwise. It's not that I don't think that he didn't deserve it, it's just that when you compare the reluctance behind the ones for Alfred Hitchcock and Blake Edwards, John was never gonna get one any other way.

John Lassiter: You know the tools to make a film, are so readily accessible. Cameras, your lap top. My advice to young filmmakers about making a film; the tools never make a great the film, it's what you do with the tools. Telling a great story, entertaining an audience...that's what's going to win you an Academy Award. Then in the very same segment, "Logorama" wins..."Logorama?" How the hell can anyone beat Wallace and Grommet??? Re-fucking-count! I demand a fucking recount!

Is Geoffrey Fletcher the very first African American to win Best Adapted Screenplay? He is certainly the only Black screenwriter I've ever seen take to the Kodak Theatre stage.

The very day that The Missus saw "Precious," she accurately predicted that Mo'nique would win and with the clip that they showed, who could argue?

With the hum, the odd ambient noise and near feedback, whoever did the sound for this award show should be fired. Even banquet halls that serve rubber chicken, don't have such poor sound.

Twenty some odd minutes later? Here we go, interpretive modern break dancing ballet. It's The Academy's way of saying, "hey everybody, filler. Go to the bathroom while you can, make that phone call, make the beast with two backs, eat a pizza...do whatever you can get done in four minutes and thirty seconds."

As much as I loved "Star Trek," I would've been the first to scream bloody murder if "Avatar" didn't win for Best Special Effects.

Wow, Pedro Almadovar and Quentin Tarantino on the same stage? Everything that was good about 90's cinema.

Having their peers introduce them, is a wonderful addition to the Best Actor and Best Actress categories. Jeff Bridges is an acting god in this household, and yet, why does he get to do a five minute speech, when everyone else gets cut short? I think to rectify this, The Academy could have Catherine Zeta-Jones give a speech at my house for five minutes.

Kathyn Bigelow? C'mon, Hollywood, stop saying that women can't direct, and stop saying that women can't direct action films.

"The Hurt Locker" should've won, and did win. Congratulations!

Oscars '09

“I frosted my Nixon?” Hugh Jackman, yer creepin’ me out.

Then you almost redeem yourself with the Meryl Streep steroids reference. Seriously, Hugh, you did a great job considering the crappy quasi-musical skit you had to work with, but it didn’t measure up to that of John Stewart's into…or even Steve Martin’s. To the members of The Academy Board, I ask that even in these trying financial times, just give Billy Crystal whatever money he wants, in order to get him to host again.

And while you’re at it, members of The Academy Board? Please drug test your voters? Penelope Cruz is a great actress, but this was clearly everyone getting back at Marisa Tomei for her “My Cousin Vinnie” victory. On the Best Supporting Actress tip, is it me or is Avril...

...Starting to look more and more like Amy Adams?

Well, they gave away the screenwriting awards earlier this time, instead of right before Best Actor. So I might be bailing out of commenting early, since I really have little vested image in watching the Oscars after that...yet my blogging will go on.

Why did the Academy chose to put “Best Animated Film” before “Best Animated Short Film?” That’s kind of anti-climatic and it is indicative of this year’s Awards...flat.

Ben Stiller, the lost Phoenix Brother, nicely upstaged the Best Cinematographer presentation.

Hugh Jackman: The musical is back!
Cormac Brown: Yes, Hughie, it’s a floundering turtle on its back and the vultures are about to feast.

Beyonce cannot save the ADD musical medley, when Hugh can’t hold his pitch with half of the tunes. How the fuck are you going to mix “Maria” with “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina?” Stick with one song for more than four seconds, goddamn it!

Cormac Brown (as Christoper Walken, to Christopher Walken): What is with that...hair? What happened...to your...hair?

Heath won, as I predicted he would to The Missus, seconds before it happened. A bittersweet moment.

So, the thing is that I’ve been blogging about the Oscars for four years now, if you include this one, and I had more fun last year, than this one.

Of course, the best Oscar year of this century is when Marty was finally vindicated.

Then, The Missus still hasn’t really forgiven me for the first year.

Brilliant that, using The Hives “Tick-Tick-Tick-Boom,” for the action collage and finally, the Oscars have rocked!

The Kid is not happy that “Benjamin Button” beat “Iron Man” for Best Visual Special Effects,” and I imagine there are plenty of other twelve year-olds indignant over this travesty.

To give you an idea of how bored I am with this year’s Oscars, I’ve spent most of the telecast reading about the NFL Combine, instead.

Yeah, Danny Boyle won!

This experiment with having previous winners present and fluff the new acting nominees, strikes me as awkward as hell for all of the people involved and damn it, who left Sophia Loren in the tanning booth overnight?! Anyway, it strikes me as awkward as hell for all the parties involved, especially when they have to gush, and you can see that the nominees have a bad case of nerves, and this just adds to it all.

Odd that they should show just a glimpse of the Adrian Brody acceptance, because that’s exactly what they need this year…a little spontaneity and somebody kissing someone unawares. I’d like to sacrifice myself on behalf of the Academy, by volunteering to kiss Cate Blanchett.

That was a wonderful speech by DeNiro on behalf of Sean Penn. “Richard Jenkins?” I’ve never heard of him, and I saw him in “Burn After Reading.” That just goes to show how difficult it is to be an exceptional character actor, you blend in all too well.

The Kid: Dang, “Slumdog Millionaire” is winning everything.

No truer words were spoken young man.