For Valentine's Day: "The Price of Perfection"

In honor of Valentine's Day, I am linking "The Price Of Perfection," which has been on the third page of my blog for a few months.

The light from The Heart Nebula by Matt Russell from Apod.nasa.gov.

It was originally published in Issue #5 of Astonishing Adventures Magazine and after March, only a few of the story's paragraphs will be here. It's a tale about a man who loves a woman more than life itself. His...or the existence of anyone else.

So click here to pull the trigger, er, bow for Cupid.

R.I.P. Astonishing Adventures Magazine

This post has been sitting in my Draft box for over two weeks, so it's time to get this over with. First the good news, Issue #8 of Astonishing Adventures finally is in a print version.

And now the bad news. Well, it's official, Scarlet has danced her last tango...




John has pulled the plug on Astonishing Adventures Magazine. AAM had a pretty good run, and while it didn't change the literary world or set the publishing world on its ear, AAM filled the pulp niche admirably. Those eight issues were a good run that was chock full of a variety of stories. Unlike other magazines, AAM did not pigeon-hole itself into just one genre.

Rather than harp on those who couldn't take thirty seconds out of their lives to do a small mention in support, I would rather praise the people who did. Some of those people are friends, some of those people were fans, and some were virtual strangers. So (in alphabetical order) Bish's Beat, Bill Crider, BlogCritics.org, Bookgasm, TheNovelBlog.com, and TheShadowSanctum.net.

Hell, even The Rap Sheet mentioned the Premiere Issue of AAM.

With great friends like Paul D. Brazill, Sandra Seamans and Katie Schwartz bringing in hundreds of readers, Astonishing Adventures Magazine should have gone a lot further. Alas, it was not meant to be. So everyone who read or championed AAM? I toast you, sláinte!

"A Red Lipstick" Is Up At A Twist Of Noir

From Astonishing Adventures Issue #5, "A Red Lipstick" is up at A Twist of Noir. This version is unique to A.T.O.N. Christopher Grant made a couple of changes here and there, so that it reads a little smoother than the original.

On a personal note, if a writer or an author is entitled a little self-indulgence every once in a while? This is my favorite story of all of my work, in terms of how it was plotted out. Katherine Tomlinson had me pare down some extraneous subplots and characters, because sometimes less is truly more.

"The Tsar's Treasure" and Astonishing Adventures #8

First, here is the magnificent illustration by Joanne Renaud, which accompanies my chef-d-oeuvre, "The Tsar's Treasure."



Please, take it in for a moment...and please, pardon me if I seem like a braggart, because it was really Joanne that brought my story's lovely antagonist to vivid color, right before your very eyes. It is one of the greatest thrills in life, to have an idea from your mind, manifest itself in such a way as this. A magazine is a collaborative effort, and this? This is the icing on the cake.

The first time that I got to experience this, is when Katherine's late sister Mary, did the illustration for my story "Tit-ForTat" in the premiere issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine. It was just a rough sketch, but it was sensational to experience someone else's interpretation of a notion that had previously existed, only in your own head. So it is fitting that Joanne did such a tremendous job in ushering the last issue of Astonishing Adventures, with both this picture, and the cover for the last issue ever.

And please, don't get the impression that it is as simple as someone types a story and another person puts ink and paint to paper, and voila, "you have magazine!" No, first it takes an icon, and this man wanted to bring back the pulp magazine to 21st Century...John Donald Carlucci was that man. John shared editorial duties first with Tim D. Gallagher, and then Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson took over from Issue #2, onward.

Tim and Katherine had the difficult task of taking the errant ramblings of the other writers and me, and turning those words into a cohesive narrative. How difficult was it? Let's just say Hercules had it easy with his Twelve Labors...and no, working with John was not like serving under Eurystheus...more like Pluto ; )

Joy Sillesen put the final touches together and she made it a true magazine, then John would battle...er, work, yes, that's it, work with Amazon. Yes, Amazon was sooo helpful. At any rate, Astonishing Adventures Magazine was a labor of love, with all of us doing this for the experience, and for you, the reader.

Author Kelli Stanley answered my many incoherent emails that I sent her, and she turned them into a wonderful interview, because she's that good of an author.




The format of the interview was limited, because this was going to be the first of an ongoing series of modern crime and mystery authors talking about pulp. Kelli gives us superior insight into her favorite noir films and pulp authors. Then she finishes the interview up with insight into her novel "Nox Dormienda," and her two upcoming novels, "City of Dragons," and "Cursed," which is the sequel to "Nox."



Also in this issue, the identity of Kat Parrish is finally revealed in this issue. Oh, and uh, I bring the pain, and I bring the pulp. Here's an excerpt from "The Tsar's Treasure," the story in question-

The red man jerks and tries to get a hold of his blackjack as he sits up, and I reflexively pull the gun out. He shakes the blackjack out of his hand and goes for his gun. We both have pistols pointed at each other’s head and I’m wondering if they even know what a Mexican stand-off is in Hungary.

Of all the weapons you can pull on somebody, guns are the most problematic. Once you have the gun out, if other guy has any sense, he’ll back down. Of course, if he has one too, he’s thinking the exact same thing. Unlike with other weapons, you can’t deflect a bullet…especially this close.

I finally get a good look at Mihály and I want to call up J. Edgar and the G-Men, because some way, somehow, a church is missing a gargoyle, and he’s sitting right here just a couple feet away from me.

So that's just one except, though there will be a couple more to come this January. Check out the biggest, and the very last issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine on

Mediafire: http://www.mediafire.com/?hhdd55fxhdw

And on

Issuu: http://issuu.com/snapesgirl/docs/astonishing_adventures_8

The print issue on Amazon is coming soon!

Issue Number Seven Of Astonishing Adventures Is Here!

From The Official Press Release-

Astonishing Adventures Magazine, the prominent ePulp magazine, today announced the release of their seventh adventure-filled issue.

Have some crazy fun with the wonderful stories from writers like Mike Hughes, Christine Pope, Katherine Tomlinson, Sidney Harrison, Roger Alford, Brian Trent, Sarah Vaughn, Kat Parrish, Michael Patrick Sullivan, G. Wells Taylor, and Cormac Brown.

Soak in the amazingly beautiful images by artists like Joanne Renaud, Larry Nadolsky, G. Wells Taylor, Sarah Vaughn, and Susan Schader.

These are tales that will thrill and chill you well after you finish reading them.

Purchasers of the print copy will receive a free audio version of “The Dark” adventure by John Donald Carlucci and read by vocal j*hadist Robert Page.

Six issues into its amazing run, AAM and the Darke Media Group continue to provide the highest quality free fiction eZine on the Net while exploring ways to redefine the traditional publishing mode. Darke Media is launching a new web serial with a second serial, starring the mascot of AAM Scarlett, scheduled for early 2010.

Astonishing Adventures social network
http://astonishingadventuresmagazine.ning.com/

Astonishing Adventures Magazine issue 7 - available print version at
Amazon: ISBN1448687330 $10.00 - http://tiny.cc/WV4OZ

To read online or download
Issuu: http://issuu.com/astonishing/docs/aam7

To download if the Issuu link does not work
Mediafire: http://tiny.cc/ai2st.

Ladies and Gentlemen, there it is. Please, by all means, check it out.

Please, also if you get a chance, check out my story "Le Chat Noir."

Issue #7 Will Be Live 9-15-09!

Editor JDC sent an email to all of the involved authors saying that Issue #7 of Astonishing Adventures will be ready on September 15th!

And as always, when we are talking about AAM, we are talking-

Adventure!

Excitement!

Science Fiction!

Horror!

Strange Tales!

Thrillers!

Crime!

Noir!

Oh, and speaking of noir, look for my story "Le Chat Noir."

The Cover Of Astonishing Adventures Number Seven

Check it out.

Click the jpeg and blow it up.

I believe that the Editor JDC did a fantastic job and if you agree, please tell him so.

Self plug time: look for "Le Chat Noir." In many ways it is as different a story as I have ever written.

Pulp From The Past And Pulp For The Future

If I may point out B-Sol's excellent Pulp Covers Blog, because my next two big projects will involve pulp. One story that is already finished for the next issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine and one that is about a third of the way through for the issue after that...which will be the biggest issue ever in terms of pages and pulpy goodness.

So, from Pulp Covers.blogspot-

Way before The Transformers and Robosaurus, was this fella. The problem was that he was a little too far ahead of his time and his creators couldn't compensate for his, er, "hydraulic problems." Micro chips and Viagra came decades too late to prevent the carnage.



Out of all the tongs and triads, the Lap Cheong Triad were the most feared on both sides of The Pacific. Though most of their fiercest rivals could withstand the normal tortures, the Lap Cheong would show the lost audition film of an inebriated Curly Howard reading Shakespeare...nude. The results are so horrific that, well...

If I have to tell you, it's already too late; you don't tug on Superman's cape, and you don't cut in line in front of The Missus.

As cappuccino machines got more and more sophisticated, and more and more intelligent, the inevitable happened.

Issue #6 Of Astonishing Adventures Is Finally In Print!

The print issue Number Six of Astonishing Adventures is finally here!

Actually, Amazon finally put in print two weeks ago, some two weeks after the online version. So what do you get with the print issue, that you don't get with its online counterpart? You get a different cover from this one-

You also get my story "All The Better To," and after reading it, you'll never look at your grandma...or anyone else's grandma, the same way again. You could also think of it as a western set in The Great Depression, but see for yourself.

Granted, the story is also available on the online version, but you also get up and coming writer, Katt Parish's epic "Djinn," which is only available on the print version. So why don't you order AAM Issue #6 on Amazon, today?


P.S. The site The Novel Blog.Com, also gave AAM #6 a little write up, check it out!

An inside look at Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson via Inside Look Magazine

When she's not putting Astonishing Adventures Magazine together or handling coverage for production companies from virtually every corner of the world, Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson writes as well.

The May/June issue of Inside Look features sacred places and Katherine wrote a wonderful article about Machu Picchu. Go to the bottom left and click "Machu Picchu, Emerald City In The Clouds."

Issue #6 Of Astonishing Adventures Magazine Is Here!

So let me get this straight, it is John D. Carlucci's birthday and what does he do? He gives all of you a present! How impressive is that? You see? That's why I call him "Johnny Dollars," the dude is money.

So what does the birthday boy have up his sleeve? An epic collaboration with Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson that brings you a pulp magazine full of action, adventure, suspense, mystery, murder, horror, and drama. Think of it as all of your college years and your career, all rolled up into one...minus the bad food and having to bow to the porcelain altar the morning after.



Not to mention you get a story from yours truly called "All The Better To," and here is an excerpt-

Dix’s eyes light up when he spots the old lady. His odd gait picks up speed and purpose, like an odd cross between Boris Karloff’s Frankenstein and an effete dandy. He stops and looms over the old frail. He’s got a sick grin on his face, like a starving dog that’s just smelled some fresh meat. The rat is out to ruin probably the only fun she’s had all month long.

She looks so fragile that I’m afraid Dix’s mere presence is going to give her a heart attack. She winces before she even sees him, I’ll bet his breath got there seconds before he did. When he goes on a bender, forget about asking him to brush his teeth and spend your time looking for a gas mask left over from the Great War instead.

She gets up with her box in hand, but Dix hems her in the corner. His sneer is so severe, that it looks like his face is going to split in two. Thinking it’s great sport, Dix bellows, “Oh, Grandma, what a big chin you have.”

The old frail cranes her neck and looks up at him with one eye. I’m just glad that she’s not smoking or Dix’s 100 proof breath would probably set both of them on fire. “That’s because my chin is big and strong, so that I can stand up to the likes of you,” she says in a high reedy voice.

“And oh, Grandma, look at how much hair you have on your chin…why, it’s as if you are trying to grow a beard.”

“I’m not your grandmother, but if I were? I’d take you over my knee and give you what for.”

Like a punch to the face, that remark breaks Dix’s sneer. He purses his lips and leans over her. “And oh, Grandma…”

All eyes in the room are on them, and there is one huge collective gasp, as Dix yanks the shawl and scarf off the frail elderly woman. Mine is the loudest, because now I recognize her, even though her hands quickly try to cover her face.

Now, here's where this gets real interesting, if you get the hard copy off from Amazon?* You'll get an exclusive story "Djinn," from upcoming author Katt Parrish, a real Scheherazade if there ever was one.

Click here for the digital copy.

*The link for the hard copy is coming soon.

Best Of: "Cynara"

Soon, the sixth issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine and...well, you're just going to have to wait until it arrives.

In the meantime, when Aldo, Gerald and Patti get together? They always come up with a great premise and more often than not, even better flash fiction ensues. One day, they'll give Akashic Noir a run for the money and you will recall that you read that here first.

This story is called "Cynara" and you'll have to read it, to understand the origin of the flash fiction challenge, and just who "Cynara" really is. In this story, for a change of pace, you will have the actual and correct William Congreve quote-

Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

I would bring up a famous Chris Rock quote, but nothing is worse than having the audience fail to make the distinction between the author and the fictional characters that he writes about. So just let me say this of this story's protagonist, you can't spell "lothario" without "l-o-a-t-h." But every story needs a villain and true to noir tradition, trust no one in this story except to do what is best for themselves.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is "Cynara."

Best Of: "Snow And Sacrifice"

Well, that post went over badly, without comment and cue the chirping of the Internet crickets. Here's the same post linked to a different story-

It pains me to read some of my old work, though not exactly for the reasons that you would imagine. I can write with greater economy now and I've gotten better at building suspense, though that is not saying much at all. What really annoys me is that I can't write horror the way I used to. I can't up the stakes with horror in the same manner as I can with crime fiction, and I can't create a twist that I am happy with, and still have the story come out to more than 200 words.

Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson is sitting on a horror story that I wrote for Astonishing Adventures Magazine, that you will probably never read unless I become famous. That story has a strong premise, a decent beginning and not much else. It's all sizzle and somehow the remaining steak turned into really mediocre tempeh. I have an old story that deserves another go, and hopefully you will read it in the next three months.

In the meantime, let this tie you over. It's called "Snow And Sacrifice" and please note, this was originally written back in June, 2006, so some aspects of the story are a little dated.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "Snow And Sacrifice" and please, don't ride the white horse.

50 Reasons Why No One Wants To Publish Your Book

Bookgasm has "50 Reasons Why No One Wants To Publish Your Book" and unfortunately, I'm suffering from at least a few of these examples...


"21. And the 78th to submit a chick-lit manuscript about an attractive woman’s sweet tooth and affection for footwear, called CHOCOLATE AND SHOES."

Sh*t, I was going to buy a house with that one.

"31. There’s a fine line between writing authentic regional dialogue and making all of your characters sound like stroke victims."

Ah yes, that's where Super Editor Katherine Tomlinson saves the day, or your Cajun pimp will wind up sounding like a punch-drunk Louisianian.

"38. For the first 20 pages, everyone who reads it is certain it’s the funniest book they’ve ever read. Unfortunately by the 21st, they finally realize you’re actually being serious."

No comment...

"41. When writing erotica, you want to avoid graphic descriptions of acne, cellulite and back fat."

Aw, (expletive) limit me, why don't ya?

And finally...

"15. It’s not technically a novel until you’ve written it down first."

Damn, why don't some of my best friends tell me these things?

Eight Blogger Meme

I'm sorry that I've been away from your blog and this blog, but lately it's all about playing an online RPG and writing for a future issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine. Here I am, waiting for character points to regenerate, so I now is the best time to take care of a meem. Quin gave me the honorable tag of a meme that listed me among eight bloggers that have well-written and amusing blogs. The rules are-

“These bloggers are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Wait a minute, you mean I have to give this picture to eight people? To eight blogs? How do I narrow it down to eight people? How?

And tell me now

How do I live without you?

I want to know,

How do I breathe without you?

If you ever go...ahem. So, let me try to narrow it down...

Katie Schwartz. My best online friend forever and favorite source of irreverence.

The Baroness. We're the most zen of all the royalty and the source of "Thoughtful Thursdays."

Paulie Decibels. The student has become the master. When he first visited this blog, he didn't even have a Blogger accountant and now I use his page to find new and interesting blogs. He is also a good quip-master, bon viviant, and a writer on the rise.

Sprawling Ramshackle Compound. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Bubs, and he makes it funny too. Not to mention, food, drink, and the best "Florida or Germany?" site on the web.

Chris. He is not just about humor and documentaries, though he excels with those topics more than any other blog that I know.

Gifted Typist. She is columnist and another harbinger of humor.

Dale. As I've said before, "c'mon America, get passionate about Dale!"

Last but not least, I'd like to nominate a bunch of blogs, but I only sleep with one of the authors and she'll be angry if she doesn't get in here. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Missus.

Coming Attractions: "The Price of Perfection"

No, most guys would miss her the first time they looked around a room full of women, but to me? She’s perfect. I’m falling for her and that’s what’s eating me…I’ve only fallen for one other woman before like this and that’s how this poor gal got sucked into this situation.

The first time I saw Ella was nine months ago, New Year’s Eve. Here we are, in a new decade, and I’ll be damned if anybody wants to put The Depression behind us more than me. I was working a case that night at The Beverly Hills Hotel and Ella was there working for Laird Thompson, a rival detective and one of the cheapest bastards to ever walk the Earth. I should know. I started out working for him back in ’32 and I’ve since passed him by in business like I was a Ford Flat 8 and he was a Model T with four square wheels.

Every once in awhile he would try to poach or sabotage my business, and this looked to be one of those situations. I noticed Ella, not because of her strong resemblance to the woman that had just left me in a lurch, but because she was doing a bang-up job keeping Laird at bay. The man pitched woo like he ran his agency…dirty, shameless, unorganized, and all over the place.

Ella got tired of his gorilla antics and she flung a glass of champagne in his face. Laird reeled back like he was going to slap her, and she grabbed a pitcher of water from the bar and poured it on him. He stormed off and she made for the exit. I waited a moment, and then I went after her.

I didn’t want the man I was originally tailing to see me and he would have, as she had the attention of everyone in the room.

I called after her, “I hate to see what you do to people that are actually thirsty.”

She froze in her tracks and wheeled around with anger. “Are you a friend of that octopus?”

“No, I’m not as smart as you; it took me two whole years of working for that schmuck to get wise.”

“Well, when he comes back, tell him I quit!”

She wheeled off and I froze her feet again with, “Well, he and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms. Besides, you were probably here because you were supposed to distract me.”

She came up to me, gave me the once-over, tilted her head and said, “Come again?”


-From the story "The Price of Perfection" in Astonishing Adventures Magazine Issue #5, now available on Issuu.com or Amazon.com.

A Twist of Noir Has "Tit-For-Tat" Up

Let me just say that out of all the things that I have written, this the piece of work that I am the most proud of. Not to mention it is rare for any author to be happy with each and every line, or each and every word. With "Tit-For-Tat," I couldn't love any of my stories more than this one.

With echoes of Hammett and Chandler, I tried to capture pulp in all its Black Mask glory. I don't know if I succeeded in doing that, but I am still extremely happy with the results. Charles Grant was nice enough to reprint a story that first appeared in the premiere issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine, so ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Tit-For Tat."

Coming Attractions: "A Red Lipstick"

Lara calmly turned to the mirror and said as she dabbed her lip “I’m hungry and you’re gonna get us kicked out of here before we get a chance to eat…if they don’t call the cops first.” The mention of the police dimmed the wattage of Guy’s sneer for less than a second and only someone who knew him would’ve even noticed.

“I ain’t worried about the heat; I got them in my pocket like my blade. You should worry about what’s gonna happened to your five dollar backside if you don’t get out of this bathroom in the next minute. I ain’t waiting all day to order and if you’re not ready by the time the waitress puts my coffee on the table? Well, let’s just say you’re looking tired. Maybe you need a little vacation like Millie got. Might do you a bit of good to get some rest. A little beauty sleep.” Then he laughed like a poor Cajun’s version of The Shadow.

Guy turned on his heels and walked out, his purple zoot suit with red pinstripes a garish blur. Lara smiled even though it caused her almost as much pain as one of Guy’s punches. Everything had to fall into place like one of those complicated Rube Goldberg contraptions. The stakes were high. She had everything to lose and her life to win. Her hand shook as she raised her lipstick, then it became amazingly steady as she started writing.


-From the story "A Red Lipstick," in Astonishing Adventures Magazine Issue #5

Best Of: "Tit-For-Tat"

Class, your assignment today, is to open the premiere issue of Astonishing Adventures Magazine. Go to page twenty-one and read the fine pulp fiction story "Tit-For-Tat."

The first person to tell me what "colcannon" is without looking it up online, gets two gold stars.

And Across The Blogiverse...

Across the Blogiverse...


The Gifted Typist turns two...her blog, that is. If I have to work overtime on Friday nights, her Chronicle Herald columns are my consolation prize. If no work? Then they are the icing on the cake.

John Don joins Quin Browne as a dot com persona, that is his name is his web address. You might know him as one of the editors of Astonishing Adventures Magazine, but I know him as "Johnny Dollars."

Todd Gordon a.k.a. The Moviequill, is back with a "you know that you are screenwriter" series.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part4
and Part 5.

Give 'em a click to see if you have caught the screenwriter bug.